Posted by tinydancer on October 10, 2003, at 2:43:19
I have just begun seeing a therapist several weeks ago through the current outpatient program I am in. (A daily program but I go home afterwards.) My diagnosis is DID but I had been diagnosed with BPD for about 6 years previously if that means anything in this situation.
Basically I have slowly found my feelings for my therapist getting stronger and stronger. I have talked to him about it but it doesn't help. Now I have gotten to the point where I am feeling miserable inside. I just get so angry reading about transference because it makes me feel like my feelings aren't real. I understand that my feelings are based on a limited understanding of my therapist but I still think my feelings are real in part. I don't know how to cope with it. Part of me is enjoying feeling all the feelings associated with falling in love but because I know nothing can come out of it, I just become devestated.
I have a very open relationship with my therapist and have shared how I feel pretty openly. I told him that I am so afraid of losing him, that I just feel like I want to be around him all the time. It's a pretty heavy feeling, almost like I am addicted to him. When I am with him I instantly relax and feel so good. I know that he likes me too and I guess part of me even wonders if he likes me in a romantic way too. He is married with kids so of course I know nothing would ever happen but I still find myself feeling that no matter what it is worth having a affair with him, if I could just have one date with him or something. Is this fantasizing dangerous? Should I try to stop? Will the feelings eventually subside when he makes me mad? Any insights would really be appreciated. It's just so painful and I have never been in this situation in all my years of therapy, and just feel really lost, even after reading everything about transference I can get my hands on. Thanks for reading.
poster:tinydancer
thread:267681
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030925/msgs/267681.html