Posted by Jadah on September 21, 2004, at 2:28:12
In reply to Re:what if..., posted by gardenergirl on September 20, 2004, at 0:46:40
I have the biggest smile on my face right now. I just feel so supported and cared for, its nice. You all have such good advice and input. Im also glad to hear that I may have helped some of you. Well... update. Tonight I saw my T at his office after hours. I had been crying on and off all day and I told him that he's right, we still have a lot to talk about. I cried like a baby but believe it or not....so did he! We held eachother, talked and cried for three hours. The end of our affair was a loss for both of us, even though when Im angry I rant and rave and would say otherwise. He held me crying and said he was so torn, that he loves me and he never meant to hurt me. Its a learning experience. I have to learn to tolerate my feelings. Relationships end everyday. I KNOW he loves me and cares about me and I know that he feels terrible for hurting me. He said he would never leave me but if I decided to go he would be sad but would understand and would want the best for me. It was so nice to be in his arms. Nothing happened sexually, other than him kissing my forehead, stroking my hair and face, and holding and kissing my hand. His body was "sexually reactive" but he did not make any moves so as not to confuse me even more. He told me he wanted to take a walk with me and sit under the stars at a special place that he goes to think. Sounds sappy, and yes he is a romantic. Neither of us could say that we would NEVER again be together sexually. He said that is part of the problem. It feels good just to be held. It also meant so much to me that he cried like a baby in my arms. I know he loves me. I believe him when he says it- if he didnt mean it he doesnt have to say it at all. He certainly knows that he doesnt have to work that hard to have sex with me (did I mention hes young and hot??) I dont know if I could leave him for another T. He goes above and beyond what he has to for me when Im in a bad way. Other therapists wouldnt go the extra mile. We have literally been through life and death situations. Five years of bonding and trust. He is not like any other man I have known. He ruins that whole idea for me that all men are scum. I know, I know...I am counterdicting myself from previous threads. I was angry, hurt. Not to say that I am still not at times but Im healing. Tonight really helped. We left his office at 1am. Gosh, I cant believe those statistics. You just never hear about it, but I did know that sexual affairs were the #1 reason therapists lose their lisence. I love him soooooo much. He has given me more love, attention, support, consistency, understanding... than anyone in my whole life, M/F. He did hurt me, but I have to confess that in retaliation I have hurt him too. He even goes to the hospital with me after my procedures when I cant drive (my parents wont even do that). It still hurts, a lot knowing he still goes home to his wife at night even if he does love me. Ive never been in love before, but Ive heard that love hurts. I always have to find out things the hard way. Not sure right now about getting another T. We will see. As always, thank you all for your continued support. I look forward to coming here. Take care all. P.S.- I still DO NOT RECOMMEND crossing the line sexually with your T. Stick to your fantasies, there's a reason why its called boundaries.
Jadah
poster:Jadah
thread:267681
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040918/msgs/393238.html