Posted by LG04 on September 22, 2004, at 1:46:21
In reply to Re:Im smiling right now..., posted by Jadah on September 21, 2004, at 2:28:12
Hi, I just read this thread and really feel for you and your pain.
I just want to relate to your feeling that you will never again find a therapist who will go the extra mile for you.
I disagree. I've read of several therapists on this board who seem to go the extra mile (Daisy's comes to mind...). And I know that my therapist did many of the things that yours did...held me when I cried if I asked her to, let me call her whenever I needed to, (even nightly for a while when I was really in a bad place), we hugged at the end of sessions if I initiated it, and so on. I opened up to her in a way that I have never opened up to anyone in my entire life. I trusted her with feelings that I have never trusted anyone with. She was very focused on the real relationship that we had/have, though we dealt a lot with my transference. She was the most amazing therapist I have ever had. She went the extra mile over and over and over again. She cared/cares deeply for me and sometimes would tell me that she loves me. There was never anything sexual about our relationship. Maybe that's what made touch in our therapy - hugging afterwards and once in a while her holding me - feel so good and safe to me (as an incest survivor).
I no longer see her because I left the country where I was living, though we are still talking on the phone as I am working to decrease my dependency on her...gradually our phone calls will decrease, at a pace that feels comfortable to me. (though she has said she would gently push me a bit if needed) I love her to pieces.
I had 4 therapists before her, all but one of them "long term" (2 years or more). One short-term therapist hurt me deeply and was emotionally abusive. The others were all very good, but no one was like her. I don't know if I will find anyone like her again but I do know there are others out there like her.
I just wanted to say this because there ARE amazing therapists out there who will go the extra mile, who will do many of the things that your therapist did, but without the critical boundary violation of having sexual relations. They DO exist.
I'm not saying that you will find a relationship just like the one you have with your current therapist, but if I understand correctly, you don't want a similar one (where sex is involved).
As an aside, I once had an affair with a married man, before I ever started therapy, in my early 20's. He did leave his wife for me. And then you can guess what happened...he left me for another woman after two years. Men who leave their wives for another woman often do that. They leave again and again and again.
On another note, I recently skimmed through a book at the library that was about sexual relationships between therapists and clients. I cannot remember the name. But an entire book was written about the issue.
I'm so sorry for your pain and glad you are feeling better. Maybe this meeting you just had with him was good closure for you?
LG
poster:LG04
thread:267681
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040918/msgs/393551.html