Posted by Dinah on October 10, 2003, at 7:10:36
In reply to I'm in love with my therapist, posted by tinydancer on October 10, 2003, at 2:43:19
Have you read "In Session" by Deborah Lott? Best book on transference from this side of the couch.
I know you hate that word, but....
There are tons of reasons people feel this way. Perhaps he's just attractive. Then you're in an intimate situation, alone every week sharing very intimate thoughts and feelings. Plus you're grateful for the help and concern. That's a situation that most often occurs in either a relationship of lovers, or maybe mother/child. And so often our reaction is evocative of that, just because that's what we as humans tend to do. I don't think therapy is in our genetic programming. :)
Also, there's a certain safety in feeling things for people who can't reciprocate.
I wouldn't encourage the feelings in yourself. That's just going to cause pain. Most feelings are easiest to tolerate if you just acknowledge them, accept that they exist, and then accept the reality of the situation. The reality is that your therapist will not reciprocate, or if he does, be's a pretty unethical therapist and not someone you want to be involved with.
Have you had any dialectical behavior therapy? It discusses a lot of those things.
Don'g rely on anger to disburse the feelings. That would probably be an old pattern, and not the best one to live by because you would be cutting off someone who is trying to help you.
Since your therapist knows of your feelings, listen to what he says. A feeling this strong that crops up after weeks often has it's beginning in some very old feelings. Let him help you see what your feelings might mean, and how you might be able to use them to better understand yourself and the patterns in your life that cause difficulty.
If you can't get past the feelings of attraction to be able to concentrate on therapy, and if they continue to cause you pain, after an honest attempt on your and your therapist's part, perhaps the two of you might decide therapy might be more productive with someone else. It all depends on how skilled your therapist is at working with these feelings, and how willing you are to work through them.
Good luck.
poster:Dinah
thread:267681
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030925/msgs/267718.html