Posted by pinkeye on July 28, 2004, at 16:51:41
In reply to Re: I'm in love with my therapist, posted by JenStar on July 28, 2004, at 16:34:34
Jenstar,
I can so relate with your post. I exactly feel the same. I always have crush with people who are very good and feel that if they like me, I must be like that too.
But I usually like them for who they are as well. Not just for the fact that they like me. And I don't want to prove to myself that I am smarter than them by them liking me.
Pinkeye.> Sometimes the gap between fantasy and reality is bigger than we can (and want to!) imagine...thanks for sharing this 'crush deterrent' with us. :)
>
> pretty paints, I know what you're talking about - getting crushes on people in some kind of authority position; liking people we shouldn't / can't have. I have done this myself (gotten mild crushes on teachers, bosses, etc.) I've tried to analyze why I do this, and here's what I came up with:
>
> Getting crushes on these people is a sign of self-doubt and under-confidence (in me.) I see the 'authority people' (doctors, teachers, bosses) as being designated as "smart" or "worthwhile" by society. And while I don't necessarily love the person they ARE, I want them to love ME. If a person in this authority position wants/likes/desires ME, that must mean that I'm special and worthy and great. It means that I'm the kind of person that powerful, authoritative people go after. Ergo, I must be powerful and authoritative myself.
>
> If a teacher desires me, it means that I'm intellectually stimulating; I'm deep; I have a poetic heart and a mind as sharp as steel. If a doctor desires me, it means that I will live forever (because a doctor is a healer...and wouldn't a healer choose a healthy strong person?) If a boss wants me, it means that I'm smart and vivacious; I slice through problems like a knife through butter; my work is so brilliant and stunning and efforlessly perfect that it would be sheer folly to NOT love me.)
>
> I guess that I want to be wanted, even if I don't myself want the one in question. It satisfies a craving for love; the need to be desired. It tells me that I'm worthy. I get a crush on this person because what I really want is for them to crush on ME. (Maybe it's the "do unto others" in action???)
>
> Of course, I know that I AM worthy and wonderful and have that poetic mind (and yadda yadda all the rest too) even if those people don't love me, which very often, they don't appear to do, unless they are masters at masking their secret lurking desires. (<--sarcasm...smile.)
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> I also think that I don't like to be in the subordinate position (having a boss be "over" me, having a doctor "know more" than I do, etc.) So wanting them to want me is wanting to turn the tables & get the upper hand. If THEY have an uncontrollable crush on ME, then guess who is on top, is smarter, all of a sudden? Yes! Me!
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> But lately I've gotten away from the crushes. I have a woman doctor who is nice but not crush-worthy, and my recent bosses have not been attractive enough to inspire a crush. I've tried to convince myself it wastes time and energy to crush out on people frequently. Sometimes it is fun, though...
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> I don't know if you feel the same way. Just thought I'd share my thoughts on the subject!
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> JenStar
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>
>
> > You're gonna laugh at this, but when I was in college, I had an affair with my Public Affairs professor. At first I thought he was soo sexy, powerful, smart, put together. But once I got into the affair with him, I was completely disgusted. He was wrinkly, old, and frankly disgusting. That pretty much cured me of ever wanting those types of relationships again. ICK!!!
> > starlight
>
>
poster:pinkeye
thread:267681
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040728/msgs/371753.html