Posted by kindgirl on August 3, 2004, at 21:00:20
In reply to Re:starlight, posted by Jadah on August 3, 2004, at 19:25:31
I worry about you Jadah. I just see this as a no win situation for you and that makes me sad. It is easy for an outsider to say "just end it" but it didn't "just start" so ending it is going to be tricky, and you are right, there is always the chance that he says one day, "I can't do this anymore," and you WILL be heartbroken. I am glad you are preparing yourself for that.
The thing that makes me so sad is the fact that you said he IS a good therapist and you have built this trust over the years, and you are right, starting over with someone new will be a lot of work, and you probably don't or won't have the energy for that. Perhaps you could look for someone who specializes in this area (are there such people?)...someone that has been a therapist for many years...
I don't think there is any way you CAN'T or WON'T feel like you are betraying him in some way. It is just going to feel that way because you interpret going to another therapist as a secret lover as well or something.
I don't know about you, Jadah, but one thing I am discovering for the first time in my life is to fight for me. For myself. Though I still struggle big time with self esteem, my therapist tells me every time I come that it is "good self care" and I am taking care of the wounded parts of me in taking her to therapy. I would ask you to think about how you can best take care of you. You are the main focus...not how he will react or how he will feel...this is why we go to therapy!!!! That is what makes your situation so sticky. You are in therapy to learn past history and I think you said that you have a past of abuse by men...and here is a man you trust and you are worried about him...always worried about him. What about you? Isn't Jadah worth taking care of? You are worth it, Jadah.
I back you 100 percent in whatever you do...just the little kid/wounded parts of me want you to be careful and look out for yourself. I don't want you getting devastated in all of this. It is good to keep coming here and venting, asking...just keep coming and keep writing. Even if something happens and you don't think you can go on...please let us know. You have a place where you belong here. No matter what.
Hugs,
KG
poster:kindgirl
thread:267681
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040728/msgs/373795.html