Posted by Susan47 on August 28, 2005, at 14:48:29
Yesterday was a landmark day for me, I know that sounds.. whatever, but anyway I'm saying it.
I had enough to relax me, which I did. I saw a friend, and thought about what it would be like to have sex with him, to have an affair of the mind, body and soul.. and actually, the idea was not only Not Repugnant, it was actually kind of.. delightful. It was entertaining and maybe something to look forward to, in the distant but not too terribly distant, hopefully .. future. And if nothing else, a good friend is not an easy thing to come by.
And sex is even easier to come by. If you really want it.
So. What I did next, with a big smile on my face, is I went out and bought two new books.. and one of them was, unashamedly, female porn. Well, not porn exactly, but, yeah.. porn. The fantasy female stuff, it's called, sshhh, "The Mammoth Book of..." (don't you just love that "Mammoth" stuff?).. "Women's Fantasies" by Sonia Florens. Anyway, then the next thing I did.. and this is kind of funny, because it's so typical of the way my life's happening right now.. the next thing is I went to the video store and headed straight for the back room (looking extremely sexy I was, yesterday, as well, wearing an Absolutely Fabulous outfit and getting a Ton of flirting done!!) .. when I hear a voice ... "Susan".. a tiny voice.. the voice of.. my ten year-old daughter, who's there getting a movie with Dad, the ex- .. who then proceeds to give me a $2 coupon for my blue movie ...
Anyway I rented this blue movie which is actually a piece of crud because it's one of those made-for-genteel-wives things, you know, elevator music playing in the background as the slow theatrical f*cking is happening, the women making coy poses and flirting with the camera, the guys all seeming like first-timers who're a bit nervous.. the voices dubbed in, lots of f*cking noises .. anyway I took charge of my sexual self yesterday. It was a bit lonely, yeah, but I found out I could do it for myself, and there wasn't any shame attached to it At All, I actually did what I thought I couldn't do, for years .. and here's another thing. All those years I was dragged to dr. after dr. by my mother, men peering and poking at my virginal vagina .. I looked good and hard, and I'm not any different from a lot of women, well yes I definitely am, but everything has it's variations, and I'm Okay to Look At.
I'm just so relieved.
And a bunch of other stuff happened
poster:Susan47
thread:547661
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050814/msgs/547661.html