Posted by alexandra_k on January 26, 2006, at 1:42:46
I'm afraid of people IRL. Most afraid of meeting new people, but also afraid of people I don't know very well and / or people when I'm not sure if they like me or not. I pretty much avoid people unless I know them quite well, or unless I'm sure that they like me.
The boards are a bit different. Sometimes I get anxious.
I don't have very good inter-personal skills. So quite often I kind of blunder on and don't know how to fix the situation. And I feel really anxious then. And I feel really anxious thinking that will happen around people. So I pretty much avoid people.
When I get into a really bad place I think it is because I feel really lonely. I like spending quite a lot of time by myself but thats different from the lonliness. A lot of the people I do hang out with I don't like very much, but I feel so lonely that I go and seek them out. And the drugs help me feel less anxious. Though sometimes... They don't. And things can go badly. But mostly they help.
I have been really afraid about moving. And I've realised why. I'm scared about meeting new people. And I might not get a place on campus so that means I need to book somewhere temporary and go meet people who are looking for flatmates. And I feel really afraid of that.
My room is my refuge from people. But I might have to deal with people to get me a room. And without one...
And then I start thinking that if I'm this wobbly right from the start then am I really well enough to go and do this? But then I remember the enrollment book we had to fill in to go to university was worse than any of the assignments I had to do as an under-grad.
I have to talk to my parents...
But that never goes well.
:-(
I'm not sure what to do. So I've just been avoiding. But I need to work out what to do...
poster:alexandra_k
thread:602943
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20051204/msgs/602943.html