Posted by Tamar on January 26, 2006, at 20:47:45
In reply to Social Anxiety, posted by alexandra_k on January 26, 2006, at 1:42:46
> I'm afraid of people IRL. Most afraid of meeting new people, but also afraid of people I don't know very well and / or people when I'm not sure if they like me or not. I pretty much avoid people unless I know them quite well, or unless I'm sure that they like me.
I like you! I think you’re just great.
> The boards are a bit different. Sometimes I get anxious.
>
> I don't have very good inter-personal skills. So quite often I kind of blunder on and don't know how to fix the situation. And I feel really anxious then. And I feel really anxious thinking that will happen around people. So I pretty much avoid people.I think you have very good interpersonal skills, but of course everyone has moments when their interpersonal skills suck. I suspect you worry too much that a broken situation will NEVER be fixed, no matter how hard you try. And yet, if you think about it, most situations are fixed, and usually pretty quickly. Most people are willing to let a difference of opinion blow over. You’re probably still stressing over it when the other person has completely forgotten it. And you’re right; the boards are different in some ways. But one way in which they’re different is that many people here are particularly sensitive because of their mental illnesses, which is understandable. Away from the boards people may be less sensitive to things.
> When I get into a really bad place I think it is because I feel really lonely. I like spending quite a lot of time by myself but thats different from the lonliness. A lot of the people I do hang out with I don't like very much, but I feel so lonely that I go and seek them out. And the drugs help me feel less anxious. Though sometimes... They don't. And things can go badly. But mostly they help.
Loneliness is really hard. You might feel less lonely if you hung out with people you actually like. You’re a good person, Alex. Don’t sell yourself short. Make friends you really like. Those are the people who will help pick you up when things get hard.
> I have been really afraid about moving. And I've realised why. I'm scared about meeting new people. And I might not get a place on campus so that means I need to book somewhere temporary and go meet people who are looking for flatmates. And I feel really afraid of that.
Yeah, that is scary. It’s hard to find people you’ll get on with.
> My room is my refuge from people. But I might have to deal with people to get me a room. And without one...
>
> And then I start thinking that if I'm this wobbly right from the start then am I really well enough to go and do this? But then I remember the enrollment book we had to fill in to go to university was worse than any of the assignments I had to do as an under-grad.You can do it. Everyone has their foibles. Getting a room really is stressful; it’s not just you. So give yourself a break already and allow yourself to be concerned about it.
> I have to talk to my parents...
>
> But that never goes well.
>
> :-(
>
> I'm not sure what to do. So I've just been avoiding. But I need to work out what to do...Step 1: talk to the Uni and find out if they have accommodation for single people (where you don’t have to share with others). Explain that you have a mental illness and that social anxiety is a feature of it. In my experience, they usually try to help.
Step 2: if you can’t get a single room in Uni accommodation, decide what kind of people you want to live with. Boys? Girls? Smokers? Metalheads?
Step 3: go to see places when you arrive. Trust your instincts. If anything feels wrong, don’t go there. Only make a decision when you feel you can cope with the situation.
Step 4: if things go really badly, and you can’t find people you want to live with, take the best available situation, sleep with the door locked, and plan to find alternative accommodation as soon as humanly possible.
You can do it. You are a nice person to know. And you have already demonstrated that you are very competent.
And yeah, I know what you mean about food. I reckon most of the rules are pretty unimportant, and right-thinking people shouldn’t be judging you according to your handling of cutlery. There are only two rules that must be obeyed: (a) don’t talk with your mouth full; and (b) don’t flirt outrageously with the host. If you stick to those two you won’t disgrace yourself.
Good luck!
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:602943
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20051204/msgs/603193.html