Posted by slugdoo on August 6, 2007, at 15:01:42
If I could feel any worse, well I have hit bottom now. My session was horrible today. I couldn't come up with a list of my horrible memoires. I have so many, they are all pretty bad, how do I pick just one? So I asked him if I could go with a feeling instead? He said now, it had to be a memory. He keep what felt like pressuring me, and I was feeling worse, like such a failare I can't do anything right. Then he raised his voice to me, and that totally freaked me out, I got scared. I started to cry. I told him to stop yelling at me! He said I wasn't yelling at you. I said you raised your voice. He said he did because I wasn't listening to him, I was saying the same thing over and I wasn't hearing him and he got fruterated with me. He said he probably shouldn't have done that. For the first time I just wanted to leave right then, but I couldn't. I even took 2 xanax before I went to calm my nerves.
Then somehow we talked about relationship after I calmed down, about me being frusterated with him too and telling him off before too. Well I said I was sorry I am not perfect, I am f*cked up.
I just keep crying softly. My safety just went away right before my eyes. I told him he scared me and he said maybe he shouldn't have done that.
Then we talked more about our relationship. I told him it felt like he hated me. He mentioned about rasing his voice to his daughter or wife, it doesn'tmean he he hates them. So I said, so you still like me? Then he said he thought that was a strange question.
Then I got the punched in the gut with his comments. He said he like me, but it was different than with other in his personal life. He doesn't think about his clients outside the office and that he doesn't worry about them like he would his friends. He said he wouldn't go to my funeral. He had a client die a few weeks ago, and he didn't go then. I understand the difference, but to say you don't care? So I am just a number. I gotta go, I will post more about what happened next and my phone call terminating. I am just soo upset.
poster:slugdoo
thread:774336
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070726/msgs/774336.html