Posted by slugdoo on August 7, 2007, at 17:29:24
In reply to Re: I thought it was just a bad dream, posted by 10derheart on August 7, 2007, at 16:54:04
Oh, Tender, I am sorry I got to you and others here, I was just trying to unload, I didn't realized how others would be affected by it, I don't want to hurt anyone. Should I have used a trigger? I didn't even think of that at the time I was so in shock.
I am sure his next appointment of seeing his heart doc. was effecting him with me, it happened before. Remember that? How that one time he was outright rude to me? He did appolize for that. He was worried because last time they took a tube down his nose and shocked his heart, and he was anxious that it could happen again.
So I wonder if that was the case this time. But I told him after we discussed this, DO NOT SCHEDULE ME before those kind of exams. He even told me that he thought he was okay, and didn't realize it was effecting his clients, and that he now know that it did. So why the hell did he do it again after I told him not to? I would rather have him cancel than be a total *ss during my appointment. I don't know if any of this is the case, but I just can't take that from him. It hurts to the core.
I have also been thinking that our relationship is getting to the point where it has blurred the lines of professional and friendship with stricter boundries. It did feel good, but I also see how it can really hurt me too. I love him very dearly and am grateful for all the good stuff he hashelped me doe, but now that relationship is hurting me, and I need to stop it. It is so hard because I freakin adore him so much. I hope my new T will work with me on this. I am going to tell him what happened, but I won't tell him who my (old T, that sounds weird ) is because they probably know each other. Plus this new T works in the same office as one of my professiors this semesters and last year.
This will be different kind of environment, my T had a secretary that he shared with lawyers on the same floor, this new T, is in an restored old house with lots of T's and a office staff. So it will take time getting used to. But you know what, my gut feeling is I did the right thing, even if it is killing me inside, but a small part of me is feeling relief today.
So I am sure he didn't tend to hurt me on purpose, he isn't that way, but he did, and too many times too, our relationship just got to friendly. I knew too much about him. I think I want to tell this new T, don't tell me anything unless I ask about yourself. Don't act like my friend either, and if you are attracted to me, refer me to someone else, okay. ;-)
poster:slugdoo
thread:774336
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070807/msgs/774621.html