Posted by frida on August 8, 2007, at 12:28:24
In reply to When to stay, and when to move on » sunnydays, posted by Nathan_Arizona on August 8, 2007, at 7:59:15
hi..
I've read Doo's situation and I would be so devastated if my T said that to me. It's such a hurtful thing to say...and it seems to me that he was kind of...protecting himself, but not speaking truth...
It's hard :-( I'm sorry Doo that this happened. I would be devastated.
As to when to say or when to move on...
I have to agree with Dinah, but that's just who I am too. I try to fight till the end.
My T has disclosed quite a bit to me too, and it has helped strengthen the bond between us and it helped me see her more human and trust her more. She has modelled to me how to share (It's really hard for me to talk from my heart) and has shared very personal things that I value a lot. (about her childhood, past). I feel she cares and she's proven that to me. I know she thinks of me sometimes outside sessions and sometimes tells me about a movie, book, little child that has reminded her of me or something we've talked about...
But we've had really hard moments too and have had to work through them...
I think the only thing that would make me stop going would be if she says and means it that she doesn't care about me or that I'm bad or something like that....
We've had some rough times...Once she gave me an ultimatum that if I didn't talk she couldn't help me and I'd have to stop seeing her. It was bad for me to feel threatened and I felt really scared. I know now that when she says these things she just tries to make me react and come out of my isolation, even if it doesn't work.
She has encouraged me to express my anger towards her or to disagree and fight back.There have been times when her personal issues have influenced our sessions, but she has always been open and I prefer that.
For example, once I was in the elevator going to see her, and she was obviously nervous and was going to leave me a note and had to cancel our session just like that. I felt lost...but later she explained that her mother was sick and she had been called because of an emergency. (her mother died some months after that moment)
And other times she has been "absent" or not totally herself and I've noticed and she has briefly told me when something happened.She has also made mistakes and has said painful things to me which made me feel really, really bad..moments in which I wished I hadn't had a session because it just made it all wrong. But somehow we've worked through those difficulties, and re-built trust. Sometimes I've felt that it was impossible but we've managed.
I've seen my T for 7 years...and I feel grateful for the times she has disclosed something about herself...It has helped and made me trust her more.
So, I guess I'd try to fight for the relationship, but the only thing that would hold me back is if I felt she didn't care. I'd give her a chance to explain and apologize if she did something that hurt me and felt cruel. I would at least hear what she has to say.
I'm not saying this is the right thing to do...just what I feel.
Having said all this, hearing my T say that she wouldn't come to my funeral if I died, would be totally devastating. I'd expect her to have an explanation and apologize and explain why she said such a hurtful, cruel thing and destroy the trust that took so long to build.
I am sorry this happened.
Frida
poster:frida
thread:774336
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070807/msgs/774803.html