Posted by pinkeye on May 12, 2005, at 13:57:43
Sorry guys - one more trigger..
I am so emotionally tortured..and I keep getting into problems with men in my life.. with my fahter and with my husband.
And there is so much of immaturity on my part and their part.
My father thinks somehow that I need to live according to what he taught me .. And my husband thinks I should support him fully and leave all that my dad taught.
And wahtever I learnt till my 25 th year in life, I had to change everything to suit my husband.
And I have through a complete revamp of my ideas, what I want in life etc..
And I am so emotionally tortured. I have to figure out everything from scratch.
And my dad insisted almost every day on my life from childhood that I need to go to the US. And I came. But now my husband wants me to go back to India. And it is so terrifying to me.
I keep resisting my husband, and he gets very mad. He even shakes my head and pulls my hair. And today he was so angry and hit the bathroom door, and it broke a little. I haven't been physcially violent towards my husband for the past 3 yeras. But everytime there is an argument, he gets physically violent - not too much, but he pulls me forcefully, and pulls and shakes my hair.. and sometimes he has beaten me. It is not very bad, and I feel like maybe I kind of made him angry.
And to give him credit, his father has some health issues now, and he wants to go back. I am not able to go back to India peacefully.. I struggle emotionall so very much. And I am extremely conflicted. I try to give in to my husband's other demands as much as possible, but this one, I am so emotionally troubled to think of going back to India. I feel life is meaningless if I go back. Almost like a phobia or something.. I cry so much, and I get mad..
I feel like not having any man in my life anymore. I hurt myself too much with my ex T also..Somehow it never works out ok, and I think I am much better off with women in my life.
poster:pinkeye
thread:496916
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050504/msgs/496916.html