Posted by Tamar on May 13, 2005, at 5:00:20
In reply to Can I ask you all something? **trigger**, posted by pinkeye on May 12, 2005, at 17:04:21
I don’t often think of myself as a woman. Sometimes I think of myself as being a bit like a child, and sometimes I think of myself as a person (gender neutral). I only think of myself as a woman when I’m thinking politically.
I think the question of what it means to be a woman, and particularly what it means to be a *good* woman, is very loaded. The idea of ‘woman’ is often very sexualized, and imagined only in relation to ‘man’. The words ‘man’ and ‘person’ are often interchangeable, whereas a woman is by definition not a man. It is the differences from men that make us women.
So to be a good person is quite gender neutral, whereas to be a good woman often means that one has to be good within particular gendered categories: specifically those categories that focus on the differences between women and men.
The most obvious category is sexual behaviour. For example, Western society tolerates more promiscuity from men than from women. Men are routinely characterized as red-blooded creatures who *need* sex and are always ready for it; women aren’t perceived as needing sex in the same way. In fact, if a woman behaves in a way that suggests she needs sex, she is often castigated. The most extreme example is prostitution. Prostitutes use sex to fulfil an economic need, rather than a sexual need, but are characterized as bad, wicked women because of their sexual promiscuity.
All this, in fact, bears no relation to reality. In fact, men do not need sex more than women, and many prostitutes are kind, compassionate people.
Being a good woman often means being unlike a man: being sexually restrained, and displaying other characteristics that are considered to be feminine: meekness, gentleness, agreeableness, and so on. Displays of qualities that are considered masculine are discouraged in women (aggressiveness, competitiveness, ambition).
It’s subtle, but it’s there. And I don’t like it much. I would rather be a good person than a good woman. I think it’s very difficult for men to respect women as long as they expect us to be fundamentally unlike them. And if they don’t respect us, it’s harder for us to respect ourselves.
Sorry, this turned into a rant. I imagine many people will disagree with me, and that’s OK; it’s just an opinion. I guess I just wanted to say that being a good woman doesn’t necessarily lead to happiness, whereas being a good person is its own reward.
poster:Tamar
thread:496916
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050513/msgs/497199.html