Posted by ClearSkies on November 30, 2005, at 6:33:29
In reply to Re: transference - sorry, posted by alexandra_k on November 30, 2005, at 3:32:56
Reading someone else's words can be a huge challenge for me sometimes
When my mind can't string the words together into an order that makes sense
That's when I resort to reading newspaper headlines
Or titles of posts
And go no further than that.
Sometimes reading others' words can be a challenge for me
When I am having a "prickly" time of it
My perception of words' meanings becomes distorted
I find hidden and sarcastic meanings in the words before me
So sometimes I just don't read
Which is better than I used to do, which was to become rather huffy and "Are you talking to ME?!" in my responses. Overinflated, inappropriate.
I consider this progress that I have made.
That I can still feel passionately about what I read
But I don't always have to act on it.As for the notion of being happy in our solitude before we can be happy with others
I don't that is the point, really.
It's not about being happy or sad or pushing others away if they get too close
It's about self love
It's about letting ourselves be Enough. We are smart enough, motivated enough, happy enough, handsome/pretty enough.
To look in the mirror and not hate the person who is looking back
That is a pretty big deal, to be able to get to the place where we can say that we are OK with ourselves the way we are.
For example
Since I stopped drinking, I have gained some weight.
Not much, just a couple of pounds.
And I have already gained a bunch of weight from the different antidepressants I have tried in the last few years.
So my belly is round
And my hips are padded where they didn't used to be
And I have to try really hard to look at myself in the mirror and not be repulsed by who I see
But then I think
That being sober is worth carrying a few more pounds than I used to
And being less depressed and more functional is worth having my waistline go bye-bye
Because I don't see this as the way I will always be
My shape will change again
And being plump is not a reflection of who I am inside.Our emotions aren't good or bad
They are our own. Valid in themselves.
Maybe the volume control needs some refinement (like when I read things and get all upbraided by it)
Let myself take a step back and ask myself - is this really how I feel?
Or is my indignation really another emotion?
Like sadness, or feeling hurt.
Learning to identify those feelings without judging them
That's what I try to do
Quite often I need the mirror of someone else's reaction to my emotions
To get it calibrated
That's something I want to be able to do on my own
Not through isolation
But in self reflection
poster:ClearSkies
thread:575153
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20051022/msgs/583631.html