Posted by alexandra_k on November 29, 2005, at 16:47:11
In reply to Re: Mania's a circle, you know, because it is » alexandra_k, posted by ClearSkies on November 29, 2005, at 7:15:34
Hey. No... I guess I have been avoiding the psychology board. It is hard for me... It is really very hard... For me to read about other people and their wonderful therapy relationships. Other people and their strained therapy relationships even. Jealousy, I suppose. But it just brings it to my attention that I don't have a therapist. And I'm not going to have one anytime soon. And so in general... It is just too painful for me to read there.
And it is selfishness. I know that. Just because I don't have a therapist doesn't mean that I can't offer my point of view for others. And maybe they will be able to take something helpful from what I have said. But the truth is... That most of the time it is simply too much for me. And so I don't read all that much from there. And what I do read... I have to pick the threads very carefully indeed. And... Be in a relatively good space to be able to cope with it.
> But I'm concerned that you think you have to pull away from people because it's inevitable that you will hurt them. Is this how you feel?
> Do you think that you need help to prevent that hurt from taking place?Well... It is about my emotions. About my emotions being so very intense. And so very f*cked up. And when they are intense I lose my ability to (relatively) objectively assess the situation. And I can't tell whether it is reasonable to be a little (though not a lot) sad or mad or whatever, or whether I am perceiving the situation in a way that isn't really warranted by the current situation. And thus ALL of my emotion... Appropriately belongs in the past. And I can't tell. I can't tell. And yes. I do hurt others. But I guess I hurt them by not withdrawing and I hurt them by withdrawing. And so the problem... Is that they care about me in the first place.
But then the issue is that... If nobody cares about you then (well, in my case anyway) the sad truth is that life really is not worth living. Really. And so one just waits for death...
> And finally, don't you think that Babble is a good place to learn about caring for ourselves and others?
Yes. I suppose... That is why I am here really. I know there is this little disclaimer about how babble isn't psychotherapy... But then that is because nobody here posts AS a therapist and thus posting here isn't psychotherapy *by definition* because 'psychotherapy' is something of a trademark term these days...
> That you have to work on yourself without help is not at all clear.Yeah... I know. But sometimes... I don't know what to do...
> the challenge is finding a path through these obstacles to a place where you can be accepted for who you are and the issues you have.
Yeah. And sometimes... I really don't think that therapy is the answer anyway. Because what I tend to see... Is people who get caught in the transference / dependence thing... And stuck there. The feelings of safety and security etc don't seem to generalise back to outside the therapy context... The feelings don't seem to be internalised. And so... I do wonder about how therapy... Might actually be counter-productive with respect to its aims sometimes... I'm not sure. Maybe thats just what I need to tell myself in order to accept that I can't have any
:-(
Thanks for respoinding to my post.
:-)
poster:alexandra_k
thread:575153
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20051022/msgs/583406.html