Posted by Larry Hoover on May 3, 2005, at 12:52:43
In reply to Re: On the other hand... » Larry Hoover, posted by sunny10 on May 3, 2005, at 11:25:39
Maybe it's better to just jump in on a new page.
My post was about trying to make it work, *with him*. What I just read is how you can't trust him to do what you need him to do to make it work. And that you may need to let him go?
That's what I'm hearing you say, as a theme.
Is that a fair summation?
What you're asking of him is a tall order. The implications are that he won't meet those expectations, right?
With his mother as an enabler, and his current behaviour not much different than before, what can you reasonably expect from him?
I'm sorry if you thought I was trying to set your priorities. Far from it. I was just trying to give examples.
Boundaries work both ways. They limit you, too. They help in future decision making. They clarify just when enough is enough.
What in this mess is your sh*t? And what is his sh*t? Which of those do you have the ability to change?
You've given him lots of second chances. What has he given you, in return?
Sure, write a letter. Excellent idea. It clarifies what you are thinking. It links thoughts to emotions.
When you think you have your letter ready, print it off and read it out loud. Read it like you were in drama class, and you're bringing the words alive. Like he could actually hear you saying those things.
Saying things aloud is more potent than typing them. Trust me on that.
And see if you haven't purged some of this mental churning, by doing that. By writing it all out, and reading it aloud.
It's going to be all right, in the end. And, if it's not all right, it's not the end.
It's going to be okay, sunny. Probably not today, but soon. It's going to be OK.
Best,
Lar
poster:Larry Hoover
thread:492670
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050325/msgs/493135.html