Posted by AdaGrace on May 3, 2005, at 9:02:10
In reply to Please help- need advice, posted by sunny10 on May 2, 2005, at 12:37:12
Sunny,
I feel that you are really having trouble letting go. If he has been forgiven for his wrongs, then he's forgiven. You are a much more forgiving person than most.
However, I am no one to talk. I get poo'ed on time and time again and I forgive, only for it to happen again. One thing I have learned over the past few years of my excapades is that "most" of the time (and I say "most" because this was my experience)people - men and women - rarely change life learned behavior. It's not a scourge upon us, it's just that they are who they are, and we are who we are. Unless chemicals are affecting behavior, and intervention enters into the picture, that behavior tends to re-surface time and time again.
Take me for example. I met someone who has a volitile temper. He gets verbally abusive and demeaning when things don't go his way. I inform him of how much he is hurting me, and he tells me I deserve it. Eventually I give in, and usually he becomes sweet again. However, I know it will happen again. This is a character trait that cannot be changed.
Now for you.......I feel that even though chemicals have been guiding his behavior, there are also underlying issues that aside from the chemicals were probably there before the chemicals became the issue. Am I making sense?What I am trying to say is........a leopard rarely chages his spots, and you cannot change them for him. Do not give in because you love him and he loves you. Make him prove to you that he can be a better person to you before you turn down the sheets.
I hope this doesn't sound like the pot calling the kettle black. I know I am no one to talk. I can't even get rid of this man who does this to me because I am such a sucker for great sex. Even though I am hurting those around me by my promiscuity. Even though I am damaging my own self asteem further. Even though I know what I am doing is morally wrong. Even though I know that I will suffer the consequence eventually. I cannot stop. It is a horrible way of healing a broken heart perpetrated by another illicit affair that ended recently.
What I know, what I really know is that it is very hard to say no to the persuasions of the flesh, the purr of a man's poetic tongue.... even if it is hurting everyone around you including yourself.
But........that's me. Not you. All I can say to end this tirade of mine is that I am thinking of you, and I understand. I really do.
poster:AdaGrace
thread:492670
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050325/msgs/493051.html