Posted by sunny10 on May 2, 2005, at 23:05:42
In reply to On the other hand..., posted by Tamar on May 2, 2005, at 17:45:17
I did ask him about it. Just tonight. And what he said surprised me. He said that he had told me that he wasn't interested in having or getting any other girlfriend before. That I hadn't told him the same thing, and that he didn't know whether I was dating anyone else. And that he wasn't seeing anyone else and had no plans to, either. That he was at work, at his mom's, or at his friend's house playing the guitar.
I told him that when I said that I wanted to repair our relationship and make it even better thn it was before MEANT that I wasn't interested in dating anyone else. Did he think that I thought adding more players to the relationship would HELP?!? Of course not.
Basically, I told him that he was constantly confusing me by being warm and affectionate one time I saw him, and then acting cool and distant the next time, which is why I thought maybe he had changed his mind and was dating other people.
He just said that he was confused, too, by the change of our relationship status and didn't really know what to say or how to act. But that he hadn't changed his mind. He loves me.
He said that he needed to get back out of his mom's house and into an apartment because he just felt like a heel being 36 years old and "living at my mom's". That he had a lot of things on his mind surrounding that and that things would be better once he was no longer "in limbo", at least with his living situation.
His parents are divorced, and apparently when he called his dad to fill him in, his dad gave him a raft of sh*t about "not being a self-reliant man and running home to his momma"- that kind of stuff... Maybe not in those words, but that's how my SO feels that his dad thinks about him. And that makes him feel bad.
I DO have to remember that I AM in my apartment, and it's all set up and decorated... of course, I worked my job full time and moved at night and on weekends, but I'm done- he's not.
IS it too much for him to ask me to chill until he gets at least even with me in terms of settledness? Susan47 and Damos would both have me believe that I am being manipulated for sex. And I, too, have read studies about manipulative men- I'm just not altogether sure that this qualifies...
All of this sh*t has its basis in addiction. His violence; my distrust. Isn't it as likely that this is a relationship being fixed when an addict goes on the wagon as it being a case of a manipulator?
And therein lies the problem... am I in the difficult stage of post-addiction, or in a manipulative relationship?
And until the truth comes out, HOW DO I JUST STOP MY MIND? I have been saying the Serenity Prayer over and over, but cannot seem to still my on again, off again paranoid thoughts...
So who can help with that?????
poster:sunny10
thread:492670
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050325/msgs/492931.html