Posted by Dr. Bob on March 17, 2004, at 23:59:48
In reply to Dear diary, posted by Ilene on March 17, 2004, at 17:39:04
Posted by Ilene on March 17, 2004, at 17:39:04
> First of all, I appreciate everyone's support before/during/after my hospitalization. Right now I am thinking about socialdeviantjeff and hoping he gets the treatment he needs. Also hoping oskarsmom starts feeling better.
>
> Let's see... I got out of the hospital on Thursday, saw my pdoc on Friday. . . I don't remember too much of what I did, except I felt tired, colder and hungrier than usual, and was still depressed.
>
> On Sunday my husband and I went to a "Jazz Brunch" at the National Gallery of Art. It was pleasant but way overpriced for the quality of the food. We saw Verrocchio's "David", Mark Rothko murals, and some items that left my husband scratching his head. I'm more open to non-representational art, but someone please explain to me why an octagon of white canvas about the size of a small kite is hanging in the National Gallery? And I actively dislike Jackson Pollack. His work is even more repulsive in person than on paper. (Please don't jump on me if you're a Pollack fan; just explain to me what it is you like about him.)
>
> We saw my pdoc on Monday. She lent me a copy of Marsha Linehan's "Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder" even though she says I am not borderline. I would like to do the therapy in this book--DBT, or dialectical behavior therapy--because it addresses my objections to CBT (cognitive behavior therapy) and is directed at people who share my characteristics. (I wonder why I'm not borderline, considering.)
>
> Linehan says that the core disorder in BPD is emotion dysregulation, which is produced by emotional vulnerability, among other things. One of the characteristics of emotional vulnerability is "a slow return to emotional baseline once emotional arousal has occurred". When something happens to upset me I can't get back to normal for hours, even when I know I misinterpreted something, or I can feel myself over-reacting, or I know I'm seeing the worst in a situation. I'm aware of this when it happens, but I can't figure out a way to make it stop. This makes me question the efficacy of CBT, which assumes that if you recognize your irrational assumptions, your mood will improve.
>
> Linehan says an "invalidating environment" is the crucial developmental circumstance in producing emotion dysregulation. Her first example of an invalidating family environment is when a child says she is thirsty, and parents say, "No, you're no. You just had a drink." She must have overheard my mother.
>
> There's more, of course.
>
> I haven't been sleeping well, and I've had a minor CFS flare-up. It's better today. My mood is *slightly* better, but I feel like a zombie. Tired and foggy. I don't know if this is part of the depression or part of the medication. (I'm on lithium now, as well as Marplan, Risperdal, Klonopin, Neurontin, and Florinef.) Fortunately I've gotten over my caffeine intolerance and I can tank up on coffee again. I still have to force myself to do nearly anything.
>
> My husband is still here but he's been going in to his company's office during the day. It's still nice having him around in the morning and evening, even if he does go to sleep at 9:30. My daughter's coming for a mini-visit on Sunday thru Tuesday.
>
> Today I took my husband to pick up our van, which needed repair; finally cleaned off the oilcloth that was covering the sofa, put it away, and scraped the cat hair off said sofa; changed the water for the tulips, which a friend brought by on Saturday, and noticed that the tulip leaves have been chewed ( hadn't noticed this before, and was hoping I could keep cut flowers unmasti*cat*ed); finished an inventory (for tax purposes) of my mother's LP library, which I am finally giving away; started dinner; and started a load of laundry. Not too much, but at least it's something.
>
> I.
poster:Dr. Bob
thread:325511
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040316/msgs/325511.html