Posted by Ilene on May 1, 2004, at 10:11:54
In reply to Re: Dear diary April 30, posted by gardenergirl on May 1, 2004, at 8:42:30
> Ilene,
> I enjoy reading your diary even if it seems mundane. I think it really documents day to day progress. So often it's hard to notice from day to day that things are getting better. But if you look at all you are accomplishing, even small things we all have to do, it really shows that you are slowly getting better. Personally, I think that is a joy to see. And it is so generous of you to share it with us.
>I think you are right, I am slowly getting better, but I get knocked down s-o-o-o easily. I live with an underlying terror that something bad will happen and I will descend again. It's hard for me not to fear that something bad will happen *again*. (Assault, violent death, false accusations of criminal behavior, stuff like that.)
One of my problems is that I'm "too smart for my own good". I think all the time--what if? what if?--what does this mean?.... I'm very intelligent. I don't know if intelligence and depression are connected, but the things I enjoy nearly always involve learning. It's frustrating knowing that I have the capability to achieve and maybe contribute to the world, but my depression has stymied it.
Having my diary online helps me keep going on it. I revise it and give it to my pdoc/therp. It makes her laugh sometimes.
> Are you going to SF permanently, or just for a visit until the move?
>I'm going to SF in a week on a house-hunting expedition, and then moving there permanently in summer.
I.
poster:Ilene
thread:325511
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040430/msgs/342163.html