Posted by Ilene on April 26, 2004, at 12:13:04
In reply to Re: Dear diary April 25 addendum » Ilene, posted by fallsfall on April 26, 2004, at 9:03:32
Thank you for your kind words. You are very perceptive. I *know* things are not that bad, but I feel bad anyway. (One of the reasons I'm interested in DBT is that my emotions have a life of their own, and I can't calm myself down. An issue DBT recognizes.)
I don't always look forward to living with my family. Right now I am mad at my husband for being such a workaholic. It's like he's married to his work, not to me. He says he's doing it to support his family, but what's the point if he never sees us, or he's so anxious about work he can't have any fun? I end up taking care of him, the house (sort of), and the kids, and I'm not up to the task. He's so temperamental at times, too, and impulsive.
There, see? I'm thinking about all the problems in store. I *know* I can't expect perfection. My husband and kids have wonderful traits, too. My husband is smart and funny, we can talk for hours about all kinds of arcane subjects, he's never had an affair, he doesn't drink or do drugs, he's honest, he loves me deeply.... My kids are smart (even if they aren't doing well in school), they're honest, they love me, they don't drink or do drugs... I'm just so worried about them! I'm beginning to remind myself of my mother--she worried about me, but somehow never about the real issues
I spent about an hour reading in bed, with my daughter's cat having a little love-fest on top of me. Does that count as doing something I enjoy? It was a distraction. Right now I don't think I can enjoy very much.
...My husband just called me. He apologized for upsetting me so much. I thanked him and admitted it takes two (the upsetter and the upsettee). I told him how concerned I was about his workoholism and we agreed that he would work on that, and then he would have some time to go to the gym and see his therapist, as well as family time. In return the two of us will agree to have "fun time" at regular intervals.
I'm still sitting her with my muscles all tense, but I'm a little more relaxed. Time for a shower and some cleaning up.
Thank you,
I.
poster:Ilene
thread:325511
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040422/msgs/340197.html