Posted by Ilene on March 26, 2004, at 21:08:26
In reply to Dear diary March 25, posted by Ilene on March 25, 2004, at 19:08:05
I set the alarm early to take my lithium so I could get a blood draw 8 hours later. Then I couldn't get back to sleep. Finally ate some breakfast and *then* got a couple more hours of sleep. It makes a difference.
I got the tax packet to Fed Ex. Discovered my husband left the gas tank empty. Arghh. Dropped off a prescription, then got on the subway to go see my internist. Actually got there early.
I like my internist--he has explanations for why my body is going haywire, and he spends a lot of time with me--but I feel worse leaving than I do coming in. He says my problems with weight gain, swollen ankles, etc. are from the lithium, combined with Florinef and my chronic fatigue syndrome. I think he wants me to stop taking lithium. I guess I'll have to do that, but I was starting to feel just a little better, and I've read that if you abruptly stop lithium you can become resistant to it.
He also says my thyroid is out of whack, but not in the usual way. I'm having it tested again. He thinks I might benefit from T3 (Cytomel), but this is getting into borderline alternative stuff (Wilson's syndrome) that makes me uncomfortable. He said it can be hard to treat. He also said my thyroid was reacting like that of a person who has been sick for a long time (euthyroid sick syndrome). I looked that up; treatment is to treat the underlying condition. In my case that is presumably chronic fatigue syndrome. There's no good treatment.
He wasn't real happy that my pulse is below 60 and my diastolic BP was below 50 when I was in the hospital (it was high today--above 70). He says I need something to get my pulse moving. I can't take dexedrine or anything similar while I'm on an MAOI (although it occurred to me tonight that taking Parnate instead of Marplan might help).
I feel so hopeless! Two steps forward and three steps back. I was even crying on the subway on the way home.
And I had to wait while they filled the prescription. Over 3 hours and they hadn't gotten around to it.
I'm starting to get suicidal again. I don't know what to do. I'm sleeping poorly, which makes me depressed; when I manage to sleep, I'm still tired, and my ankles now hurt all the time. The drugs don't work. The lithium is making me sick, and my thyroid is malfunctioning. (The thyroid test was done before I started lithium; there's no cause and effect.) I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel. I'm back to feeling like I exist for the benefit of other people.
It's bad enough being depressed. I can't maintain any kind of positive attitude about the CFS and associated ills. So for the only thing treatment has done has made it possible for me to take a hot shower without feeling lightheaded for hours afterwards. I guess that's something. I guess. Hard to feel it's progress when I hardly want to move. I'm barely cooking anymore. I just do the minimum to keep my son fed. I really need to cook some veggies, but I haven't got the energy.
I don't know what to do.
poster:Ilene
thread:325511
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040324/msgs/328906.html