Posted by shrinking violet on April 30, 2005, at 11:39:32
In reply to Re: .....never known pain like this......(trigger?) » shrinking violet, posted by 10derHeart on April 30, 2005, at 0:05:41
> If I may put it this way, I beg you to either tell your T. by email, phone message - the method doesn't matter - how terrible you feel. Just whichever way is a bit easier for you to do. I'll take a guess you're partly or completely hiding it from her. That in itself much feel just awful - no wonder your insides feel so bad! And if she knew you seriously didn't want to go on in life without her, she would see to it you got the help you need. ANY of your team members would, but they have to know first to help you.
--Oh I wish I could. I want to emailher so badly. But....what could I say? And it would just interrupt her weekend. And what can she do, really? If she was that afraid for me, she's toss me into a psych ward and lock me up for the week, and I can't/won't go throught that again, it wouldn't help and probably make things worse. No one wants to deal with me, especially now, when the sands in the hourglass are running through faster and faster.> Sweetie, this is an illness and there is help out there. I know it's so hard for you to believe me right now, but it's true that you will not always feel this bad, and life CAN be worthwhile. Otherwise, as you said, why would anyone want to go on? People who've felt similar to you - and many are on these boards right now - have recovered and found the joy in life again.
--Joy in lifee again? I've never had it. Glimpses of it maybe, temporary glimpses, but that's all. And I have the a/d meds, I just won't take them. So it's up to me, and i get in my own way. So why put the burden on others who can't really "do" anything anyway (aside from lock meup,that is...what kind of solution that is supposed to be,I have yet to figure it out). And I think any small part of me that wanted to hang on, find a way to do this.....it's gone. Gone. I just want some peace now, and I know I'll never find it here.>> If you can't bring yourself to be honest with those who know you (and I understand that), you can use 911 or go to any hospital ER, any time. The people there will want to help you feel better, too. Will you think about asking directly for some help IRL, please? (((((sv)))))
--NO way. Again, that implies that one has hope,a will to live even if it's small.I don't have that anymore. Especially not enough to be locked up for a week+. I'd rather be dead that go through that again, that was sheer torture. There isno help for me, there really isn't.I tried, I did,but.....It's time to face the truth.
Thank you for your thoughts. I hope you're doing well.
SV
poster:shrinking violet
thread:491643
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050428/msgs/491849.html