Posted by frida on April 30, 2005, at 14:07:08
In reply to Re: Shrinking Violet (hands on hips) » frida, posted by shrinking violet on April 30, 2005, at 13:52:54
shrinking violet,
safest hugs to you--
you said that you spent almost 2 years looking down while she did most of the talking and that makes you question if you'd be able to talk now...
and makes you feel hopeless..
I wanted to share that I don't think it's hopeless.. I spent the first 3 or so years with my T unable to talk at all. Just looking at her, looking down, hiding..only to break down after sessions...just now I'm beginning to talk..and she is amazed because even herself had felt very frustrated before when I begged her to help me and then could not say a word at all and would just stay there looking down while she talked. I would promise I'd talk and reach out and then I couldn't...but slowly I began to learn to talk and put all my feelings into words. It was very hard. But there IS hope. If I could do it, then I truly believe you could too. I know how hard it is and the pain when you leave, feeling there is no way you can be helped because you can't say anything and you just sit there and then you leave and the pain overwhelms you totally and you wish you could have one more chance to do it differently :-( But there IS hope...I still believe that your T would want to know how you're truly feeling..I hear your fear of her thinking that you may be manipulating, but she's a human being, she does care about you, maybe if you try to explain it from your heart she can take it as it is...just a CRY FOR HELP.
Maybe you can send her all these posts, the posts you've written..I think this is so important for her to read:
"I want to do what you said, I want to ask her to HELP ME through this without locking me up, without sharing my painful and secret feelings/thoughts with anyone else. That I need trust her now and need her to trust herself. That I'm really really scared, and I don't think it's time for one more session, that there's so much more to be worked through first, and I honestly truly do not think I'd be able to function alone after that. I can barely do so now. I want to beg her to not let me leave her yet, because I know I'm in trouble if I do".You could write an email and hope for the best and see what happens..maybe she would surprise you...
I think I would take one last chance and be totally honest with her...just write to her from your heart...she would want to know what you're truly feeling....She does care about you...
I know that she may have felt frustrated, my T did in the past and it was very hard for both of us, and she was hard on me, but it was out of her own frustration because I didn't let her to be helped when I needed it so much.
Please, consider being honest with her and telling her...
it is ok to reach out..we're talking about your life, it is very important...she worked with you for 2 years and she does care about you...consider telling her...
I know you say she's not a deity, but sometimes caring and support can do so much...It changed everything for me, to share the pain...I know you say that you can't be helped..i thought the same way, and I spent 3 and more years almost in silence.but things do change....i'm here for you, and sending you lots of support...
love,
frida>
>
>
>
>
> > dear shrinking violet,
> > oh, sweetie, my heart goes out to you--
> >
> > I'm so sorry about what you're going through..
> > I still think that you should tell your T some of what you're feeling at least...you have nothing to lose, and it's not bothering her..She worked with you, she had a commitment with you (she still has), she cares about you.. I'm sure she doesn't want you to experience all this pain..all by yourself....she can't guess what you're going through..
> > I think I would give it a try and tell her in an email, you are not bothering her or interrupting her weekend, it's important, and she does care about you and would want to know how you're truly feeling...
> > you've worked together a long time,right?
> > I think it would break my heart to walk away from my T with so many things unsaid.
> > I know you feel that it's not worth it and that you're tired and don't want to try and don't want to reach out to her..but i truly wish you could do that..I wish you could send her an email, at least a short one, telling her that you're struggling so much, that you find it hard to tell her too because you don't want to bother her, etc..but that you feel in so much pain...I hope you can let her know..
> > My heart goes out to you-
> > if i were in such a painful situation, i think I would also want to protect myself and feel that way and even angry at my T..but in the end I think I would just break down and tell her how I"m truly feeling, and I'd tell her please please help me through this..
> >
> > please, would you consider emailing her and telling her some of what you're feeling?
> >
> > I know it's very hard and you don't want to..it just breaks my heart that you're going through this alone and your T doesn't know how you're truly feeling.
> >
> > I truly believe you need to reach out to someone...
> > I know it's so hard to reach out and ask for help...and how easy to feel you're bothering the other person, but people care about you and they would like to know how you're feeling and at least hold you and support you through this...
> >
> > i'm thinking of you and sending you lots of support, I am truly sorry you're going through this...
> >
> > lots of support,
> > Frida
poster:frida
thread:491643
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050428/msgs/491927.html