Posted by shrinking violet on April 30, 2005, at 13:52:54
In reply to Re: Shrinking Violet (hands on hips) » shrinking violet, posted by frida on April 30, 2005, at 13:41:02
I wish I could too. I want to so badly.....but I dont think anything woulud come of it except bother her, or frustrate her, or take her personal time away. I can't do that.
I want to do what you said, I want to ask her to HELP ME through this without locking me up, without sharing my painful and secret feelings/thoughts with anyone else. That I need trust her now and need her to trust herself. That I'm really really scared, and I don't think it's time for one more session, that there's so much more to be worked through first, and I honestly truly do not think I'd be able to function alone after that. I can barely do so now. I want to beg her to not let me leave her yet, because I know I'm in trouble if I do.
But....She'll think it's a manipulation. She'll think it's part of "the process." She'll think prolonging it will make it worse. She'll think that I need another T, which I'll refuse, so....then we're back to where we are now.
I can't make her into a deity, b/c she isn't. She can't DO anything that would help. And even if we did have the summer, ther's no guaratnee I'd be able to make use of that time, as much as I'd want to, and as much as I think I could do so now. Two years almost now, and I've gone in 95% of the time and stared at the floor or fiddled with my sleeves while she did most of the talking. Why woulud that suddenly change?
Some people can't be helped. Some people....you can only do so muc for and then give up. Some people get in their own way. All fo those people are me.
ugh, sorry for the typos, it's hard to type. I should try to sleep.
Thank you.
> dear shrinking violet,
> oh, sweetie, my heart goes out to you--
>
> I'm so sorry about what you're going through..
> I still think that you should tell your T some of what you're feeling at least...you have nothing to lose, and it's not bothering her..She worked with you, she had a commitment with you (she still has), she cares about you.. I'm sure she doesn't want you to experience all this pain..all by yourself....she can't guess what you're going through..
> I think I would give it a try and tell her in an email, you are not bothering her or interrupting her weekend, it's important, and she does care about you and would want to know how you're truly feeling...
> you've worked together a long time,right?
> I think it would break my heart to walk away from my T with so many things unsaid.
> I know you feel that it's not worth it and that you're tired and don't want to try and don't want to reach out to her..but i truly wish you could do that..I wish you could send her an email, at least a short one, telling her that you're struggling so much, that you find it hard to tell her too because you don't want to bother her, etc..but that you feel in so much pain...I hope you can let her know..
> My heart goes out to you-
> if i were in such a painful situation, i think I would also want to protect myself and feel that way and even angry at my T..but in the end I think I would just break down and tell her how I"m truly feeling, and I'd tell her please please help me through this..
>
> please, would you consider emailing her and telling her some of what you're feeling?
>
> I know it's very hard and you don't want to..it just breaks my heart that you're going through this alone and your T doesn't know how you're truly feeling.
>
> I truly believe you need to reach out to someone...
> I know it's so hard to reach out and ask for help...and how easy to feel you're bothering the other person, but people care about you and they would like to know how you're feeling and at least hold you and support you through this...
>
> i'm thinking of you and sending you lots of support, I am truly sorry you're going through this...
>
> lots of support,
> Frida
poster:shrinking violet
thread:491643
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050428/msgs/491923.html