Posted by shrinking violet on April 30, 2005, at 13:43:02
In reply to Re: .....never known pain like this......(trigger?), posted by sunnydays on April 30, 2005, at 13:15:56
>> I am so sorry for the pain that you are going through. When I read your posts I see such a kind, compassionate person that it really seems unfair to me that you have to go through all this pain.
--Thank you, but I think I do deserve it. This and so much more. I'm not compassionate or good. I'm not. You dont' know me, not really. No one does.
I know you said you're scared your T will have you locked up if you tell her how you feel, but maybe you could tell her a little bit of it at least? I understand that you may not feel able to - I am having lots of trouble telling my T how I feel about leaving him for the summer, and spent almost our entire session last week silent - but I'm going to try really hard this coming week to just tell him a little tiny piece of how much I'm going to miss seeing him. Maybe you can tell her at least a little tiny bit of how you feel? I'm sending you all of my extra courage (sorry it's not that much) and all of my support in hopes that maybe you can just tell her a little tiny piece. Maybe she can help you with a little bit of your pain and then the rest wouldn't have to seem quite so overwhelming.
--I've tried....I dont think she wants to hear it. I tried asking her why people choose to live everyday. She asked me why I asked that, if I was planning on hurting myself. I had to say no, or else she owuld have been calling the psych ward for beds. So, what's the use? We listened to a half hour CD I made for a her, a goodbye sort of thing...it was sweet, we hugged, held hands, I cried (she didnt', notably). She knew it was hard. Didnt seem to phase her. I wish I knew what her secret was, I wish I knew why she can see me and then see another client right after me and have it not matter. I wish I knew why she can do whatever she's doing this weekend and not think about me, while i'm swallowing pills and crying nonstop.
Thannk you sunny.
SV
poster:shrinking violet
thread:491643
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050428/msgs/491920.html