Posted by gardenergirl on May 1, 2005, at 15:22:12
In reply to another day » annierose, posted by shrinking violet on May 1, 2005, at 12:58:24
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> --I know, but that's the point: I "dont" want it, I don't want the change, and even if I did, on some small deep level....it's too late. I get in my own way, I won't let myself change. I'm too defensive, too stubborn....too many years of defensive measures and now their so ingrained I can't get past them.I know that my T would say that he would have to hold the hope (for change) for both of you, if you are feeling that you don't want to and that it's not possible. I have no idea if your T would say that. But others still have hope for you.
>Besides, I don't necessarily like therapy... I'm sick of being seen as a pathology and not an individual, I'm tired of being analyzed and labeled, I'm tired of the "relationship" being so damned hypocritical.
I think that this is a valid response. Therapy is hard enough without someone feeling that the more they do it the more labelled and pathological they are. I wish that you felt "seen" in a truly authentic way by your T and others around you.
>Why can't I mourn the loss of this T (this PERSON) without being wrong for it? I don't understand....See, more BS, more labeling, more hypocrisy.
I think you absolutely can mourn this loss. I'd worry if you did not. Loss of an important person in your life is horrible. It's terribly painful, and it's not something that you can just "get over".
But you cannot mourn if you are not alive. I don't know if that is the plan you are referring to, but that's what's alarming me, and I would guess some of the other folks who have posted to you. But this pain, and the reason for it (the loss of an important relationship) is part of what makes us human. It hurts, oh yes. It's devastating. But it's part of our humanity to be able to form relationships and develop feelings for another person. Mourning that is also part of the human experience.
I'm sorry if concern for your safety seemed to diminish your unique humanity and lead folks (perhaps your team as well?) to focus instead on pathology.
(((((SV)))))
gg
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poster:gardenergirl
thread:491643
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050428/msgs/492368.html