Posted by shrinking violet on May 4, 2005, at 16:27:11
In reply to Re: .....never known pain like this......(trigger?) » shrinking violet, posted by tryingtobewise on May 4, 2005, at 15:26:28
I feel very guilty and selfish and manipulative for posting all of this. Re-reading this thread....I don't know what part of me made me write as much so openly. In an exchange in one of Dinah's threads ( http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050428/msgs/493290.html ), we talk a bit about why a part of us lets these issues/thoughts sort of "slip" out, while other parts want to keep the bigger details,plans, thoughts, etc to ourselves. I'm still mortified that I even started this thread. I'm very sorry to anyone I may have inadvertently triggered, or alarmed. :-(
And there's a good chance that one of my "friends" emailed my T this thread....I know she emailed her (found out today) but am unsure as yet of the contents. So, I can't allow myself to post here anymore, anyway, at least not about myself -- maybe that's a good thing.
I hate that I bother people. I hate that my actions always seem to be perceived as manipulative or selfish, even when I don't mean them to. I hate that I can't even figure myself out. I hate that innate part of me that seems to want to save itself, although I think it can be overridden...it's just a bother, and causes too many problems.
Anyway, my heartfelt apologies to everyone. <3 To my T especially.
This thread should be ignored from here on out, so it can disappear from the list.
Thank you.SV
> SV ~
>
> Please take care of yourself. I am really hoping you will share your feelings with your T, or someone else irl who cares about and will help you. When I read your post I feel very sad and concerned that you are writing about your life ending. Hang in there and stay connected to babble.
>
> {{Hugs}}
> Kim
poster:shrinking violet
thread:491643
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050504/msgs/493746.html