Posted by fallsfall on February 23, 2004, at 8:31:41
In reply to Re: What do you tell your parents?, posted by pegasus on February 22, 2004, at 15:50:39
I think that the early hospitalization (I was 22 or 23 months old) set the stage for my abandonment fears.
I think that it also crystalized the belief that I must have done something bad, even though I can never (even in current reinactions of the pattern) figure out what I did that was wrong. My sister also has a pervasive feeling that she will be punished for doing something that she didn't know was wrong - so clearly there was something in our environment that perpetuated that feeling. But I think that it started for me in the hospital (Why else would they have been sticking needles in my back - punishing me - if I hadn't done something wrong?).
The experience also made me predict that people wouldn't be there for me. When I was little and would throw up in my bed, I would need to call for my mother. I would start in a whisper "Mommy?", and then try again 30 seconds later a little louder "Mommy?". It was always a question - like I expected her to not come. It took 5 or 10 minutes for me to call loudly enough for her to hear me. I also tend not to ask people (friends) for help - perhaps because I think that they won't either be able or willing to help. I don't want to hear the rejection, so I don't ask.
How do you think your early hospitalization effected you?
poster:fallsfall
thread:316484
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040218/msgs/316787.html