Posted by Karen_kay on February 22, 2004, at 13:45:33
In reply to What do you tell your parents?, posted by fallsfall on February 22, 2004, at 13:20:09
First of all, I'm sorry your mom invalidated your idea and pattern. It hurts when parents, friends do that. I thik it's spectacular that you picked up on that pattern. Did you do it on your own or with the guidance of your therapist? Wow! That's wonderful that you were able to pinpoint a certain time when it started! Props to you!
I know form my personal experience with amother who sounds like she has a similar personality as yours, that it's not helpful to me to inform her of things she did (knowingly and otherwise) that encouraged my negative behvavior as an adult.
She often times says, "I know I was a terrible mother," at which I hug her and reassure her she was not. I don't inform her because I have forgiven her (I know that's not your case) for things she did to me as a child. And she was rather abusive, to the point of locking my sisters and I outside during the summer all day and making us drink from the waterhose. ( I only included this information so you could see she was rather abusive. She also threatened suicide every day and on my father's birthday, her gift to him was a suicide attempt... She had problems, as you can see)...
But, in my heart of hearts I have forgiven her for these things. I honestly don't hold any grudges. I came to me by knowing that she was hurting on the inside and didn't have the help and support she needed.
I think that informing them should be a decision you make with a clear head. Decide if it will help you and/or them in some way. If it doesn't progress your well-being then I'd say "No," don't. If it will help progress your therapy and healing, then do it.
I know it's hard to tell if telling will actually progress your therapy, but look at your motivations for doing so. If it's to become closer to your parents and help aid you to stop this pattern, then do it. And hope for the best outcome.
It seems that you wanted to "show" them that you were doing somethign in therapy. Can you not get that validation from yourself, your therapist, your support? Everyone on the board knows you are working hard. Maybe you could just explain that you want more support/validation/nurturing form your parents without going into detail agout your therapy and specifics if it proves to be harmful.We know you are working hard. I thik the answer may come when You know you are working hard.
Sorry again if this sounds a bit "preechy" but Falls dear I care about you and don't want to see more invalidation from your mother. I fear that may be what happens if you disclose personal therapy issues.
poster:Karen_kay
thread:316484
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040218/msgs/316499.html