Posted by cricket on January 27, 2006, at 8:43:51
In reply to Re: What is wrong with me? » cricket, posted by JenStar on January 25, 2006, at 17:13:49
> hi Cricket,
> Was yours an arranged marriage or sorts, or did you choose him yourself? By marrying him, did that allow you to leave a bad situation (living at home with bad parents, etc.)
>
Well I chose him but I guess I was chosen primarily because he wanted to get visas for his family. And I was so young and desperately lonely that I was just happy to be chosen for whatever reason.> I'm just trying to understand what YOU gain from this relationship. It sounds like HE gains a whole lot -- a person to provide for him financially and materially, a person to give him sex, a person who lets him have sex with other women, etc. And you yourself are prohibited from having a boyfriend, while he can have as many gf's as he wants. Man, this guy is living high!
>
> Those things you mentioned -- wearing tight skirts at the game to show off, going out on drinking nights, stroking his ego -- those things are really not part of most marriages I know. At least in my cultural outlook and circle of friends, there is a lot of give and take and mutual respect in our marriages.
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That's good to hear. I guess I will have to look around some more and watch other marriages. I do see a lot of bickering sometimes and even animosity. We don't have any of that.> I don't want to sound like I'm picking on you for the choices you've made. I just really, really feel that you deserve more than this man is giving you. That might be hard for you too see, especially if it IS cultural in nature. And he might NEVER see it, if he's been brought up to think that treating a wife this way is OK.
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It's okay. I appreciate the prodding. I guess that's partly why I brought this up. I wanted to see how others saw this situation.> I guess the thing is: What would make you happiest in the world? I mean, if you could custom-order a husband right now, what kind of qualities do you WANT? For example, would you WANT to have a hubby who loves you only, doesn't sleep around, treats you with respect, does things you want to do, etc.
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These are almost funny questions to me. I think that there is not enough me (far too fragmented) to be able to even ask myself these types of questions much less answer them.> Would you ever consider leaving this man? Forgive me for not seeing his good side, but it sounds like you might be better off without him?
>
No I would never leave him. Why hurt him like that?I do have fantasies though that one of his girlfriends will call up and say he's all mine and then I will say, okay so where can I drop his laundry off? :-)
> JenStar
>
Thans jenStar. I appreciate the different perspective. Maybe just thinking about this is a start.
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poster:cricket
thread:602095
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20051204/msgs/603369.html