Posted by cricket on January 25, 2006, at 15:04:17
In reply to Re: What is wrong with me? » cricket, posted by JenStar on January 25, 2006, at 13:46:33
Hi JenStar,
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> your relationship mystifies me - I can't understand it, at least as an outsider looking in. For me, no marriage would be better than a marriage where my husband openly cheats. But I know that there are all kinds of relationships in this world, and sometimes things "work" even when they don't make sense to me.
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Yes, I know it is far different from most marriages. I guess I've been thinking about that lately and what that means.It is cultural for one thing. In some latin cultures, it is pretty much accepted that a man will have dual wives so to speak. One that bears the name and is sort of the official wife (that's me I guess - although I am the third in a series) and then there's the good time girlfriend. Both women usually bear his children. In old times, both women would be supported financially by the man. This is the way my husband was raised, this is the way his brothers, brothers-in-law live.
I guess things are changing but my husband is definitely old school.
> But...are you truly happy in this kind of relationship? Is this something you two have discussed and come to an open arrangement? Are you allowed to or do you have boyfriends of your own? What are you getting from this marriage?
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Well, we don't talk about it, but then again we don't really talk about anything.
I definitely don't have boyfriends, and no that would not be permitted at all.
What am I getting from this marriage?
Sex sometimes.
Kind words.
A caring, affectionate touch sometimes.> To me, it seems that he is treating you with gross disrespect.
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I don't know. And I know this is going to sound far out, but it's just a penis right. And I didn't buy the penis. Although Alex is right to point out that I should worry about STDs, I mean otherwise what is the big deal?> As to why you allow it: Maybe you don't feel you're worthy of better, and therefore you settle for what he gives?
Yes maybe. I can't really imagine better.
Do you feel like you're a "savior" of a sort, if he relies on you for things?
Hmm. That's an interesting question. I do feel responsible for him.Do you feel more like a mother figure than a wife,
Yeah, sometimes. Don't like it though. Definitely not good for sex.but some part of you is so afraid to be alone that you won't leave him?
Nah, I am alone right now.Are you not that attracted to men in general,
I am very attracted to men in general. I had more than my fair share of sex before I married.
but worried about your sexuality, and this marriage is a way to protect your identity?
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No, but there might be something else there. Promiscuity was a real problem for me before I married and I was operating in a way that was very dangerous. In some ways, this marriage has saved me from that.
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> Do you feel human in other respects?
Most of the time, no. I feel completely alien and other.
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poster:cricket
thread:602095
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20051204/msgs/602706.html