Posted by cricket on January 25, 2006, at 14:03:32
In reply to Re: What is wrong with me? » cricket, posted by alexandra_k on January 24, 2006, at 17:26:55
> I think it is understandable that you don't care.
>
> I mean... If you did care then what? You would feel really very upset about it, and to what end?
>
Yeah, that's right.> And something you struggle with is the thought that 'I am incapable of caring for another human being / having a caring relationship with another human being' and so... You probably think that you can't give him what he needs in terms of an emotional connection. So... You don't want to grudge him that...
>
Yeah. That's it too. You really do know me.
> And maybe it takes the pressure off you too. Maybe in terms of sex. Maybe in terms of an emotional connection. Because if he is getting that from other sources then it takes the pressure off you.
>
Well the sex I like for the most part. So I don't feel much pressure there.
It's everything else that I feel like I can't do.
The parties where I am supposed to wear a skin tight dress and high heels and look better than every other woman.
The baseball games where I am supposed to stand on the sidelines and cheer and chat about soap operas with the other women while the men chug beers and pat each others butts.
The stupid television shows that I don't even understand much less find funny.Yeah, I guess I'm glad that he has other women for these things.
I just can't do them. It's too much of a sacrifice. It costs too much.> And so maybe... You don't think that any other kind of relationship would be possible for you.
>
Yeah I guess not. :-(> I think it would be really very hard to have a strong emotional connection to a partner who was sleeping around. But it sounds like you guys have kind of worked out things so that each of you is able to accept what the other offers...
>
Yes, I guess so. My therapist says we are like noble gases when we are around each. No volatility, no interactions. We never fight or argue. Just pretty much ignore each other.> Maybe... As you get better you will start to want more than he can offer you. But it probably will take time.
>
In some ways, I guess I hope not. He always says please don't leave me when I'm too old to get another woman.
Seems like a reasonable request.
I guess what I hope will happen is that as I get better I will be able to find friendships that can offer me connections and interactions.
It's a bit hard even to imagine now though. Sex is the only way I know. I guess that explains how I got into this relationship in the first place.
> Not sure how much sense I'm making.
>
A lot. As usual Alex.
> Also... Yeah, I can see that pregnancy could be a concern... But if that is a concern then STD's is a very real concern as well (assuming you guys sleep together sometimes). If he is going to be doing that... Then the very least he could do would be to use a condom.
>
Yes, that's for sure. I once saw one in his backpack which was a great relief.
I have all these horrifying statistics at work on AID/HIVS in various countries (some of which he visits)and I've shared them with him just in a sort of can you believe how horrible this is kind of way.
poster:cricket
thread:602095
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20051204/msgs/602677.html