Posted by cricket on January 27, 2006, at 9:23:09
In reply to Re: What is wrong with me? » cricket, posted by Tamar on January 26, 2006, at 20:24:05
Hi Tamar,
Good to hear from you.
> Who says it’s supposed to bother you? It bothers some people. But it doesn’t bother everyone.
>
That's good to hear.> It wouldn’t bother me either. In my case it’s because I’ve had a great deal of sex that was just animal sex and didn’t mean much emotionally, and I’ve had sex with several of my friends in a purely friendly way. So I know that people can connect sexually without being deeply intimate. Sometimes it’s a very superficial thing. And if my husband had sex with other women, I don’t think it could possibly be a threat to my marriage (unless he fell in love). Furthermore, I have seen my husband in bed with my best friend (long story, quite funny, but not for public boards…) and after that kind of experience I don’t think he could do anything to shock me!
>
Yes, I think it is the difference between intimacy and sex. I have never been intimate with my husband so sex is not tied to that. So maybe it doesn't seem like a big deal because it's just a bodily function.Now maybe if I ever had intimacy with him I might feel this as a much greater loss.
> You *are* human. And it sounds to me as if you usually feel that sex is more important than intimacy. That’s not a bad thing at all; many women go the other way and decide that intimacy is more important than sex. I suppose there are two obvious possibilities: either you are very sexually motivated, or you fear intimacy. Or perhaps it’s a bit of both. Or, of course, if could be something else entirely.
No I guess it's both. Sex I know and like. Intimacy I am afraid of and have never experienced but maybe intrigued by a bit and I know it's highly unlikely I will ever have it with my husband.
I guess maybe I hope for his sake that he does have it a bit with these other women but somehow I doubt it.
>
> The fact that you’re posting about it intrigues me. Are you posting because you feel you’re weird, or because the idea of your husband’s girlfriends bothers you more than you’d like to admit?Actually I guess I am posting becuase I had just finished reading "Wintering" by Kate Moses. It's the story of Sylvia Plath, primarily the last winter before her suicide.
Although it's fictionalized, I guess it's faithful to reality. What really struck me was how devastated Sylvia was by Ted's infidelity. Even taking into consideration her emotional instability. it seemed like this one act had the power to destroy her completely. I wanted to shake her and say "get over yourself, what is the big d*mn deal?"
I thought that in my case, I just don't have enough self even to know how this could hurt someone.
I'm glad you think that maybe I am not so completely defective as all that.
poster:cricket
thread:602095
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20051204/msgs/603374.html