Posted by Tamar on January 26, 2006, at 20:24:05
In reply to What is wrong with me?, posted by cricket on January 23, 2006, at 13:44:21
> My husband has had girlfiends for our entire relationship. He goes out almost every night. On the weekends it's usually late (around 4 am I think this weekend).
>
> Actually I think at times there may be more than one. I think he goes on vacations with them (or I guess one of them at a time).
>
> They call night and day. His cell phone is permanently planted on his ear.
>
> So why don't I care?I think it’s partly a cultural thing. You mentioned that in some latin cultures it’s accepted that men will be unfaithful. I think that’s true outside latin cultures as well. (Women aren’t usually allowed to be unfaithful though.)
> I do love him. I would never want anything bad to happen to him.
That’s a good thing, yes?
> I know this is supposed to bother me. But it doesn't.
Who says it’s supposed to bother you? It bothers some people. But it doesn’t bother everyone.
> What is wrong with me? Sometimes I wonder if I'm human.
It wouldn’t bother me either. In my case it’s because I’ve had a great deal of sex that was just animal sex and didn’t mean much emotionally, and I’ve had sex with several of my friends in a purely friendly way. So I know that people can connect sexually without being deeply intimate. Sometimes it’s a very superficial thing. And if my husband had sex with other women, I don’t think it could possibly be a threat to my marriage (unless he fell in love). Furthermore, I have seen my husband in bed with my best friend (long story, quite funny, but not for public boards…) and after that kind of experience I don’t think he could do anything to shock me!
You *are* human. And it sounds to me as if you usually feel that sex is more important than intimacy. That’s not a bad thing at all; many women go the other way and decide that intimacy is more important than sex. I suppose there are two obvious possibilities: either you are very sexually motivated, or you fear intimacy. Or perhaps it’s a bit of both. Or, of course, if could be something else entirely.
The fact that you’re posting about it intrigues me. Are you posting because you feel you’re weird, or because the idea of your husband’s girlfriends bothers you more than you’d like to admit? If it’s that you feel weird, I don’t think you’re alone. I know several women who don’t consider sexual fidelity necessary for a happy marriage. But if the existence of these other women is bothering you (e.g. if you’d like to be more intimate with your husband) then perhaps you need to think about how best to get him to stay faithful…
Sorry, that’s probably not much help…
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:602095
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20051204/msgs/603187.html