Posted by alexandra_k on July 19, 2005, at 3:58:14 [reposted on July 22, 2005, at 0:51:25 | original URL]
In reply to Re: Thanks everyone.. » pinkeye, posted by Dinah on July 18, 2005, at 20:26:46
Its a hard one...
I can see why you are reluctant to leave. Or to make a big deal of it. Because it isn't like it is THAT bad and a lot of people get worse. And he is basically a nice guy. And can be sweet at other times...
But...
It sounds like what has been happening has been happening repeatedly for a while now. Why on earth should he stop? He gets to hit you and you don't tell anyone because you feel ashamed. Secrecy is part of it. Part of his control of you. Do you ever do things because you are afraid he will hit you if you don't do it? Do you ever refrain from doing things because you are afraid he will hit you if you do them? How is he with respect to you going out by yourself or with your friends? How much do you do that kind of stuff? How much control does he have over your life? Because I think it tends to be about control. And if he is acting out to the point of hitting you then there may well be a lot of other more covert ways in which he is controlling you as well.
IMO...
You need to tell somebody. Is there anyway you can go see a councellor or someone to deal with this issue? That way he has to face up to having to admit to somebody else that he hits his wife. Because at the moment he either doesn't have to do that, or he can do it in a jokey way with people who approve of it. It is unacceptable. If you can give him an ultimatum to work on this properly so it stops or thats it - then that is when you are likely to be able to change the situation.But... It sounds like you are really afraid of not being with him. My guess is that he sees that. And that he sees full well that so long as things remain that way he has no reason on earth to change.
He should feel ashamed.
Not you.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:531323
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050627/msgs/531353.html