Posted by Shortelise on July 18, 2005, at 19:41:58 [reposted on July 22, 2005, at 0:51:25 | original URL]
In reply to My husband keeps losing control :-(, posted by pinkeye on July 16, 2005, at 17:12:05
Pinkeye, it takes such a long time to help someone learn not to act out as their parents before them have done. It takes a long time to understand where it comes from.
There are ways that men learn not to abuse. One of the things they learn is that when they feel like abusing, they should go for a walk until it subsides.
Something you might try is when you see he is getting to the point of becoming violent, try to change how you are reacting. Try to think of how he is preceiving things, sort of like, don't wave the red flag in front of the bull. Please don't misunderstand me - it's not your responsibilty to keep him from abusing you, you are not responsible for him abusing you and the only person who can stop him is him.
I am telling you these things because I hear you, you are not going to leave your husband, or change your lives in any major way. That is your choice. So, given that, you could try to find out about abuse and abusers and see if you two together can find a way of helping him find a safe outlet for his anger. And you for yours. It sounds like you get physical too.
Hope I'm not being too frank. Or too politically incorrect. Feel free to ream me out.
ShortE
poster:Shortelise
thread:531323
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050627/msgs/531351.html