Posted by Damos on June 22, 2005, at 17:55:26
In reply to Re: you never talk out of your *ss » Damos, posted by sunny10 on June 21, 2005, at 7:51:44
Okay. Take 2.
Firstly I haven't ever given irritable bowel sydndrome a though before, but now that you've mentioned it I think you might be onto something. Hmm.
Funny you know, I've never done the throwing up thing before. I think it was the fact that I was really worried she might hurt herself again like she has in the past. But good news, there was an email this morning to say she saw a dr on Friday and was diagnosed with Clinical Depression and that she also was referred to and saw a T on Friday and Monday. PHEW!!!!! I guess my reaction was also from pushing down all my emotions and stuff while we talked about her getting help. That's what a lot of people don't see. That while I can be calm and in control in situations like this when I have to be, that it takes a huge toll on me afterwards. Whether I like it or not I cannot stop loving and caring about this person.
Sunny, there is nothing to forgive yourself for. You were a kid, just a kid.
Wow, meshing logical and emotional thinking. Is that even possible?
My old man is my internal critic and I agree with what you said about T's (though it sounds like you might have actually found one who can really help you), you can't just do it. Especially when your in a bad place already, where just getting throught the day takes everything you've got. Doesn't happen.
What I've focused on is just recognising my thinking patterns and acknowledging them and making a conscious decision not to run that script. This can often take the form of a verbalised discussion between the competing aspects of myself. I dunno but it's like having all the sides of stuff out there yets me integrate it better into the choice I actually make, as apposed to kinda denying that there's all this internal conflict going on. More often than not it's all just argued out silently in my head. "Gotta go to the bathroom" or "Gotta get a glass of water" works well to give you the time to run all the scripts before responding unconsciously to your usual one. I don't have any real tools that I use or have ever been taught. I'm just slowly learning to recognise the scripting that gets me into trouble, acknowledge it and consciously choose another. Still get caught out a lot but I'm trying.
Sunny, as I kinda hinted at in talking about my friend, I don't think 'not caring' is possible for people like us. I really don't. Worse still, I think that trying not to care robs us of so much energy that we need to use on other things.
You've been through so very much, and I'm really sorry and honestly the hardest thing is working out how to stop the past robbing us of our futures. Again in my own case I'm now able to recognise my father's script and acknowledge it and choose another (sometimes). Like I'll find myself saying stuff and thinking in a certain way and when I recognise it I say to myself; "Thanks for your input dad, but I've got this covered okay." and stuff like that. It's like it triggers my brain to stop that script and give me a choice to play another one or better yet write a new one. So maybe yours would be something like; "Wait a minute you're not my mum/dad, and I'm not that wounded child anymore, I can work this out." Dunno, just a thought. I really think the trick is in recognising the ineffective pattern of thought. You don't have to be reactive. There is a moment of choice between stimulus and response that humans have, and it gives us the freedom to choose our response based on values using our self awareness, imagination, conscience and independent will. Realisation of the existence of this moment of choice is a huge step in itself, consciously choosing our response is another biggy.
I'm sure this isn't all or exactly what was lost but I hope it helps a little. Gotta go.
Treasure you too.
(((((Sunny10)))))
poster:Damos
thread:513088
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050531/msgs/517194.html