Posted by Elle2021 on February 28, 2004, at 0:53:23
In reply to answers » Elle2021, posted by crushedout on February 27, 2004, at 18:19:29
Hi Crushed
> i even told her in the email where i told her i did it, that i felt like i was being manipulative
Usually when we are manipulative we are trying to gain something or trying to get the other person to do something we want, that they don't necessarily feel comfortable giving or doing for us. If you think you were being manipulative, what do you think you wanted from her? Just attention, or something more?
but the alternative (not telling her) seemed worse.
I'm glad you did tell her. It's something she should know about, that way she can help you through it. It took me over a year to tell my pdoc.
> yeah, i really didn't have the answers and she wouldn't let me just say "i don't know." she usually does, but i guess she was mad or i don't know why she was pressing me like that.She probably pressed you for an answer because the cutting came out of the blue. Plus, people cut for lots of different reasons (as this thread has shown), and I'm guessing the different reasons require different thereuputic approaches.
> well, i was talking about liking her being mad at me, i think.Because she was more attentive to you?
>it's more seeing the blood, i guess.
Does seeing the blood make you feel like you are draining some of the "bad" part of you out?
>i've only done it three times now but each time i was in pain, and i did it to calm myself, to feel numb --
When you say you do it to feel numb, it makes me think you are doing it to distract yourself from what's really bothering you. So I guess the thing you have to get at here, is *what's bothering you?*
Also, I really think there is hope for you since you have only done it three times.> me, too. i think i can. that's why i told her about it. i don't want to wait till it's gotten completely out of control.
Good plan! Thank you for describing the chart. I think I will make one of my own based on your description and start keeping a record of my SI-ing.
> yeah, i guess that was the idea. and also to avoid falling into a deep depression. i'm already on some meds but a very low dose.
Have you tried Cognitive Behavioral Therapy? I'm starting it, and I think it seems to be helping me.
> i tried filling out the chart (as my action) and then i tried journal writing.
Sometimes to distract myself from the urge to cut, I just cry really hard (with the hopes of falling asleep). Can you think of other things you can do instead of SI-ing, like maybe taking a walk or cooking/baking, exercising?
> i know that's messed up. i'm not sure what i'm going to do to deal with this.
Well, I think with the help of your therapist, you will get past this. You seem pretty insightful, which is a good sign!
Elle
poster:Elle2021
thread:317484
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040225/msgs/318431.html