Posted by Kind Girl on February 27, 2004, at 1:00:00
In reply to Re: ((((Crushedout))))) » Elle2021, posted by crushedout on February 26, 2004, at 23:52:27
This whole thread interests me because I am a closet self injurer. The thing I do is called "self excoriation"...it is a really disgusting habit of picking at my fingers (yeah start with cuticle and work around the tips) and my feet. It is so disgusting I hate writing about it.
I could barely talk to T. about it and finally did after I put on acrylic nails and COULDN'T pick if I wanted to (my way of constraining myself). Her response was something like this: I hurt myself because I am hurting inside so much that I can't express it so I take it out on my body to have a focus for the pain. If my finger is bleeding from picking at it, or I can't walk on my left foot because I have torn up the bottom of it, then I can say, "Ah ha! That is why I feel so bad!"...and the issue, the real pain...it never has to come out. It is a survival mechanism I think.
I also started smoking last year for the same reasons. I would smoke a cigarette (closet smoker too) and then shame myself all day long for it.."You are disgusting! You can't quit now!"...and that would work in keeping me in the shame spiral. I finally went to a pdoc and got Wellbutrin and now cigarettes taste like hay...it really worked for me!
But the point is....I hurt myself when the hurt inside is unbearable. My t. says I/we need to find ways for me to comfort myself in other ways instead of dissociating by picking at my skin for comfort. It sounds really nice and easy but it isn't, as you guys all know too well.
Thanks everyone for sharing. It helps to know I am not alone.
poster:Kind Girl
thread:317484
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040225/msgs/318118.html