Posted by Damos on July 3, 2008, at 18:27:37
In reply to Damos, posted by susan47 on June 26, 2008, at 23:40:45
> 'To be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given to you because you would not be able to live with them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually,without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answers.'
> Loving the questions, the locked rooms, is only possible when one can be brave, and to be brave, one has to be able to be in This Moment, right in it, baby, like, furiously grabbing at it, going "YES! THIS is my life, THIS is the essence of Who I am, this is me, baby, and I'm LOVING it" ... and flying into the answers with that attitude, can actually be done, with the help of a drug ... Now I want it to be done without the drug, please dear God, God of my heart, god of my soul, god of my being, in Jesus' name remember me, please agree with me, for my healing, for the healing of every one of us, for the social rehabilitation of our souls .... for our wellbeing, the health of planet earth, the wellbeing of our souls and our universe, the health of the natural vibrations on our planet .. please help us all to Heal.>I love you
Hi Susan,
Sorry to be so long in replying. What can I tell you, your desperate longing for the answers, for meaning, that sense of running out of time to get it right are all perfectly normal things to be feeling. They are. And I'm not gonna lie to you, the 'being patient' is hard, damn hard. Well it is for me anyway.
Time is a funny thing Susan, there's Kronos - chronological time and then there's Kairos - the right or special moment. You've experienced Kairos if you've ever had the sense of time having 'flown' - you know that feeling when you're really 'in' a conversation or something and you feel like it's only been a couple of minutes but when you look at the clock a couple of hours have slipped by. Or when you've experienced the opposite - that sensation of time slowing down and everything happening in slow-motion. The bad news, and it took me a long time to realise this, is that you can't *make* those moments happen.
Susan, you know me well enough to know I'm not brave - not the least little bit. Gee I wish there was a good way to represent the long pauses that are going on while I try and make sense of what I'm trying to say and actually write it. Susan, it takes great courage to allow life to 'unfold' and this is where reality really bit me hard. It took a long time for me to realise that my desperation for this and that, the intensity and desperation of my clinging to things (and people) was effectively killing off the very possibility of the things I wanted so much. You cannot create those moments but you can create the space in which they can unfold. AAARRRGGGHHHHH! I remember as a kid feeding ducks and wanting to pat them, so I chased them - they moved away from me, and the quicker I moved to pursue them, the quicker they moved away. I remember being told that if I just stood still long enough they would come to me - and they did - eventually. That's kinda what I'm trying to say here, sometimes all you need to do is stand still long enough for life to find you - for it to have a chance to unfold. That's what our friendship does Susan, it ebbs and flows and unfolds over time, because we've created the space for that to happen. Honestly I don't think I've ever flown into any of the best moments of my life. More often than not it's actually been a post-fact realisation an 'Ah-hah' moment if you will, because when you are 'in' the moment it just is, it's only afterwards you think 'WOW! that was really amazing'. Am I making any sense here? Susan, sometimes being brave as you describe it can simply be taking a deep breath in and out and relaxing into the moment, rather than trying to make it this or that. I might also be talking utter cr*p here. All I know is that all the best moments I've ever experienced are a complete mystery to me, Sunny said something to me the other day as well about how 'the bad is explained, but the good can never be.' Wise woman our Sunny.
I can't really say much about the with or without drugs because I've never used them. But my sense is that on them, it's not you that is in the moment, not your true physical self, not your true spiritual self, but as I say I don't know, it's just a feeling that somehow that 'altered' experience takes you further from where you want to be, not closer - don't know.
Breathe Susan, just breathe, come and sit with me a while, watch the sun go down and the moon rise and just *be* for a while.
I love you too my friend
Damos
poster:Damos
thread:798806
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20080605/msgs/837889.html