Posted by susan47 on December 8, 2007, at 12:30:42
In reply to Holdin' On, and, posted by susan47 on December 8, 2007, at 12:19:22
> forgive me, Sarah, but holdin' it in. Holdin' it all in, holdin' it in and getting stoned on pot every fricking day because you cannot stand the reality, the harsh, bare Reality of the soundless Void.
> That's what life is, you see, that's what it is, it's really truly soundless, without sound but silence, the silence is so deep and hurts too much, and you have to live with Sarah and and your writing and your drug and sometimes booze too, sometimes you drink too much, but not drunk drink, pain-less drinking, darling, to drop the pain, to forget it and live without it, to live with Hope for a change..
> I have a smile, stretched from ear to ear, to see you walkin' down the road ... we meet at the lights, I stare for a while, the world around us Disappears ... disappears, .. it's gone, and now (not, not not)... now. Now... it's just you and me on my Island of Hope .. a breath between us could be miles ... let me surround you, a sea to your shore, let me be the calm you Seek ... and every time I'm close to you, there's too much I can't say, and you just Walk Away ...
> Ah.
And life, it's here again, when this stone wears off, perhaps even before that, I will feel the harsh glare of my life staring back at me, and I will see that these mundane things I do alone today, will only bring another tomorrow. and ...
> Now I have to get out, into the light, even though it's harsh and cold and it has a glare to it that it shouldn't have, that is hurtful, and I have to take my dog for a walk on the beach, in the cold, and look for hope to carry on, somewhere in the grains of sand under my shoes there is some truth I can bear ... when I'd rather be sailing, with a warm wind and warm ocean and beautiful people and beautiful fish and soft night breezes, when I'd rather be making love on the beach, in the forest, in a pond, in the Light, in Love, in cherishment.
> But today and perhaps every day to the cold infinity and the harshness of my dying, I will come home and do what I have to do to get through another day. Another day in Hell, because if we are here to learn lessons, then mine is that I will die.
> I Love You.
> I love ... I need to learn to Love. Love me, because if I can't love me, who can? Oh god, oh if there are angels then please help me through this life, because I just can't fricking stand it, it's only in the forgetting of it that it's bearable.
poster:susan47
thread:798806
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20070425/msgs/799521.html