Posted by susan47 on December 14, 2007, at 1:16:25
In reply to Other things I saw, in the writing, I know I am a, posted by susan47 on December 14, 2007, at 0:49:05
So how can I bear the fact that I failed to convince Him that I'm not crazy, and my personality disorder isn't ugly and vicious, it isn't what he thinks it is and I'm not what he thinks I am .. and maybe I dont' have a personality disorder at all, maybe I was just on a mission to create some meaning in my life, and I fought tooth and nail to create that out of the sadness that lives inside me. Maybe the sadness is the disorder, maybe all the unhappiness and fear I carry around, the stuff I see in other people all the time too, but how come they don't have to fall "in LOVE" with a hopeless individual who sees nothing but them as an illness, a disease, a walking diagnosis. Oh man, how it hurts to know i never could convince him that I'm not crazy, that I'm not bad, but he would never ever see that, and I KNOW that seeing him made me crazier and feeling worse and worse about myself especially the most recent times, when he had already told me he was DONE with me, go away you nasty girl. He has that attitude so much. So much. god i hurt, godihurtihurtihurt. And I guess I am insane. I guess so. I just want the love i couldn't get, i wanted that love. i wanted it.
poster:susan47
thread:799808
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20070425/msgs/800714.html