Posted by susan47 on April 27, 2008, at 18:21:39
In reply to The party you are trying to reach, posted by susan47 on April 27, 2008, at 18:12:32
If it is true that every thought we have creates a reality on some level, some astral plane, another reality of which I am really only vaguely aware when I have not imbibed, imbued myself with, a certain substance, which shall herein remain nameless ...
if that is true, then I realize I have to create a reality that embodies my mother as not myself.
Her ideas, thoughts and beliefs are not the same as mine.
I cannot take on her values, although I realize what created them, to some extent, some degree, I do understand; empathise with and love her for them, even as I begin to realize also that I have been swallowed up, torn in two over and over and over again, over what her beliefs are and what mine are, and my inability to allow her a glimpse ino anything other than pure, raw pain. If she could only understand and love my reality, if she could only have been less of the perfect teacher than she was.
Thank you for your role as my teacher, mom, mother, Mother Dearest Mommy dearest, I love you and I know you love me, but your belief that all humanity is horrible, is just not true.
It's psychotic, it's a psychotic belief that I just can't live with as myself, and it can't be true.
Because the way of peace just has to happen, it just has to be.
Perhaps this is my religion, then.
Perhaps I will not swallow myself after all.
Perhaps I can believe in the purity and wisdom of my own soul.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
poster:susan47
thread:799808
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20071223/msgs/825900.html