Posted by susan47 on December 14, 2007, at 0:39:51
In reply to Re: I Am So Cold, posted by susan47 on December 10, 2007, at 23:05:16
I never wanted to be hated. I just wanted to be hurt. To be hurt was a life mission, something my stupid poor little brain just always felt it needed, so much hurt so much fr*gg*ng hurt all the time, that your brain just can't take it anymore and it starts to buckle and crack under the pressure and the stress. For so many years I couldn't think clearly, think at all, could only just subsist, and held it together somehow, somehow I held it together. But I never ever wanted to be hated, I wish he knew that and I wish he understood that everything I am is just to destroy myself, but not to wish it on anyone else, the destruction of yourself is such a really hopeless sad thing to watch, to be inside.
I wish so many times I had been someone different, that my life could have been different than it has been. But wishing doesn't make anything so.
poster:susan47
thread:799808
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20070425/msgs/800710.html