Posted by Dinah on May 18, 2004, at 10:14:34
Penny, I'm having real problems with this right now. Or maybe I'm just getting around to admitting how many problems I'm having with it.
I had brought some photos to my therapist of me now and me as a little girl, and the words coming out of my mouth shocked me in their naked hatred of who I am now. "Abomination" is what I called the physical shell of who I am. Because *that* isn't who I really am.
It's not the weight, per se. It's that there seems to be nothing left of who I was, of what I think of when I think of me. All that's left is this ugly stranger who looks like my mother. And I was always the plain little girl who looked like my father. So it's not that I'm mourning the loss of beauty. It's just that I don't even look like myself older and fatter. I look like someone else entirely. Someone who looks like my mother!
It's all just too much to accept. I even wonder sometimes, if I lost the weight, would I just look like a skinny version of my mother?
poster:Dinah
thread:348135
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040517/msgs/348135.html