Posted by Dinah on May 18, 2004, at 11:23:25
In reply to mother acceptance, posted by justyourlaugh on May 18, 2004, at 11:07:32
Oh, I so sympathize about your mother buying clothes that are in her style. Shortly after I gave birth, still in postpartum depression, my mother gave me a birthday present from the local large size store. A store that caters to matronly large sizes, shiny polyester everywhere.
I burst into tears. I still considered myself a misses size, not woman's size. It was this huge thing (hormones were involved, of course) and I left shortly afterwards.
So guess what I get now at every single holiday? You guessed it. Clothes from the very same shop. I haven't decided yet whether it's just cruelty on my mother's part, or stubbornness, or it's because the saleslady at the shop calls my mother and talks to her and makes her feel special. So she likes to spend money there and doesn't care about the dismay I can't hide when I see the clothes. I think it's the last choice. My mother loves attention far more than she loves me.
So I smile politely through the dismay then either return it or give it to charity. Once she gave me a "cheerful" outfit in yellow and black that would have made me look like a giant bumblebee. Fortunately it was in petite size, and I'm not a petite size and she is, so I gave it back to her for her mothers day present.
I know a gift is a gift. But there's almost something evil about my mothers' gifts. A grand disregard for anything but the giver. It's not just me, it's my father too. My entire childhood was spent with her buying things that she knew he wouldn't like, that I told her he wouldn't like, and that he in fact didn't like. And she would be saying, oh I know he doesn't like a shirt without a pocket, but he'll like *this* one. Or she knows my father doesn't like to read for pleasure, but every year she gives him several books on topics she knows he's interested in, despite the fact that he complains and they are never opened.
There's just something that feels creepy about getting a gift from her.
poster:Dinah
thread:348135
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040517/msgs/348168.html