Posted by sunny10 on May 9, 2005, at 13:35:26
In reply to Re: AdaGrace (triggerish and very long) » sunny10, posted by AdaGrace on May 9, 2005, at 9:50:54
I must be a lesbian, too, then...
No, seriously, it sounds like he has a very "he-man" idea of what love and intimacy are...
What do you think might happen if you just started sharing with him your thoughts, hopes, and dreams... Don't tell him you're going to do this... just start doing it- do it for a few weeks and see how he begins to respond.
In my experience, when I've asked a man to try communicating more openly, the first thing they do is shut down emotionally. To them, communication and feelings are like a foreign language that they feel incapable of mastering (and some fear it would emasculate them).
But if I start talking, they usually respond by listening at least. Eventually, they respond (mostly, at first, it's because they want to strike a debate about something I've said- but it's a start!!).
As far as it actually "accomplishes anything", well, you'll have to just stay tuned... I'm not sure what the outcome is yet!!! But I'm determined to stick with it this time, all the way through, no matter what the outcome. Even if the outcome is not the one I hope for...
'Cause all I can do in this life is my best, AdaGrace.
And the same goes for you. If you feel that the biggest problem you have with hubby is that he doesn't understand you, all you can do is talk to him until he does. And I sense from your comment about feeling inadequate to discuss couples counselling with him; so omit the counsellor- if he doesn't want to talk to a counsellor (or even you), he can at least listen to you, right?!?
What do you think? Is this idea worth a try for you? Or is Sunny10 talking out of her idealistic a** again?!?
poster:sunny10
thread:494163
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050505/msgs/495581.html