Posted by Susan47 on April 21, 2005, at 20:08:53
Hah! I can't believe I ever wanted, felt the desire, to be with a man, ever ever ever. I can't believe I feel my life could possibly be better with some guy telling me everything is my fault.
Ohhhhhhhhhhh I am so angry. Every time I talk with my ex, everything, everything is my fault. Everything is always my fault, it's always me. He refuses to take any counselling, parenting classes, nothing, NADA. That idiot thinks he has the world tied up, and he's just a goof.
He's taking my kids to the other side of the world.
He has no money.
Probably going to borrow it from his mommy.
Oh, and of course she won't make him pay it back.
He keeps buying materials for his house. The one I used to exist in. Walking around, bruising myself on stuff he left out, building materials, tools, equipment ... if I wanted to have a child I could have gone to a sperm bank. Oh, why didn't I go to a sperm bank? Why did I think another screwed-up human being would make my life any better than it already was? Because I was so terribly terribly tired of fighting every life battle by myself.
And that's the truth.
And what happened is that the battles became bigger, mightier, because suddenly I was fighting his AND mine. Instead of feeling them reduced. No, they became bigger. Because he's an inept bugger. And I don't like him. Not one bit. And sometimes he has the capacity to push me to hate. Yes.
poster:Susan47
thread:487630
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050325/msgs/487630.html